This was Dartboard’s second year moving into Adams House’s marble-floored and wood-paneled B entryway, and even though Dartboard had plenty of hauling to do, a nagging twinge of guilt just wouldn’t go away. Dartboard’s friends in other, less desirable Houses have to pay the same price for their smaller/uglier/far away rooms. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
Now, Dartboard knows that even Mather House has its diehard fans who insist that the East German train depot they call home is really wicked awesome (and Dartboard expects at least a few rambling/incoherent/threatening letters from a Matherista or two in the name of “House pride”). But Dartboard believes that such thoughts are simply the products of defective or possibly deranged minds.
Honestly though, Harvard is probably right to charge Adamsians the same price as Quadlings. There just wouldn’t be a fair way to divvy up Upperclass housing if the University made Dartboard’s friends in PfoHo pay less. There is, however, another solution: investing a little bit more money in House renovations.
Mather’s singles would seem a lot less dingy if the carpet wasn’t fraying and vomit-stained. The folks in Currier House might not resent the long walk back to the Quad as much if they had a freshly-painted room to come home to. Even Adams could use a little renovation—in Dartboard’s room there’s only one internet jack conveniently located in Dartboard’s roommate’s bedroom. By slapping up a new coat of paint here and there, replacing cracked tiles in bathrooms and putting in fresh carpets more often, even Mather House might seem a little more livable.
Dartboard expects, however, that administrators of all stripes will balk at the costs. All Dartboard asks is that they take a little tour of Wellesley’s dorms. That adorable little school seems able to carry out major renovations in their buildings every few years; their carpet is clean, their bathroom tiles are whole and the paint on their walls isn’t peeling off. That’s funny, Dartboard doesn’t remember hearing about Wellesley’s $18 billion endowment…must not have been paying attention.
—STEPHEN W. STROMBERG
Never Going Down There Again
Ever the place to start an early weekend or end a late one, John Harvard’s Monday Night is the spot to eat, socialize and be drunk among fellow undergraduates. It’s where an under-21 crowd joyfully mixes with their over-21 counterparts and where cheap beer and half price appetizers lure hungry, overworked students.
Or so it was. On a warm Monday night, some two weeks ago, Dartboard and her friends ventured to their late Monday night home only to find the most popular appetizers removed from the half-off portion of the appetizer menu. No longer could a heaping portion of nachos and a savory spinach and artichoke plate be procured for under $10. Instead famished need for those now full-priced appetizers left Dartboard’s bill at an uncommonly large $32.82.
Though still in debt, the following Monday, Dartboard and her crew again ventured to John Harvard’s, hoping that maybe, just maybe the management would reinstate the half-off appetizers tradition. But with the entrance line queued up all the way back to Herrell’s, Dartboard didn’t even try stumbling down the stairs to what had been half-off appetizer land.
Nor will Dartboard ever again.
Like Harvard men, John Harvard’s was not that appealing anyway, except that the price was the best Harvard had to offer. So this shopping period, Dartboard has resolved to shop for a new Monday-night dive. And everyone else should too. Besides, after their health code scares this summer, no one wants rattetizers anyway.
—JASMINE J. MAHMOUD
Read more in Opinion
Too Little From Bush, Too Late
