Recent wage negotiations between Harvard University and janitors of the Service Employees International Union Local 254 (SEIU) were closed to the press. Consequently, many feared that precise details of the talks would never emerge.

Fortunately, however, the negotiations were well attended by members of the Progressive Student Labor Movement (PSLM). Various PSLM activists present at the negotiations have written their recollections of the dialogue, and the following transcript—revealed here for the first time—has been assembled from their accounts. It documents exchanges between negotiators in two pivotal meetings. The first, which ended in an impasse, took place on Feb. 20. The second, at which agreement was reached after members of PSLM and SEIU engaged in a courageous act of civil disobedience, took place on Feb. 27.

The transcript contains comments from the following individuals:

LARRY SUMMERS (a.k.a. Satan, Lucifer, The Prince of Darkness, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, etc.): President of Harvard; Evil Overlord of the Working Class

MALEVOLENT UNIVERSITY NEGOTIATOR: Larry’s demonic toady

EXPLOITED JANITOR: SEIU negotiator

STAN STEVENS: Harvard senior, socialist playboy and PSLM member

THE GHOST OF KARL MARX

Part I

Feb. 20, 2002 (before civil disobedience)

[Malevolent Harvard Negotiator’s cell phone rings.]

MALEVOLENT: (while forcing indentured servants to spit polish his Gucci loafers) Yes, who is it?