Classes end today, and winter break is finally upon us. Papers due on this side of the break are finished, and there’s no need to lose sleep over assignments earmarked for reading period just yet.

However, one thing remains before blissful laziness coupled with gluttony can truly set in for the holidays.

Shopping.

For those of you who get caught up in the gift-giving frenzy of the holidays, don’t panic if you’re not quite sure what to get people special in your life. You still have a whole week before Christmas comes around. Besides, getting a present is fun at any time, so this whole deadline thing honestly isn’t all that important.

But rather than taking the gracious way out, I’m going to let all of you know just what I want for Christmas, so feel free to contact me in Texas over break. I’ll be the overstuffed person sleeping on the couch with college football on in the background.

1. A peaceful resolution, somehow, to the situation between the U.S. and North Korea. If that’s too much to ask, at least find a way to get the food to the kids who need it instead of the “Dear Leader’s” army.

2. Trent Lott never to see another white person again.

3. Straight A’s. Right.

4. The Houston Astros at my 21st birthday party, with Brad Ausmus jumping out of the cake. And while we’re on the subject, why not let Brad work his catching magic with some quality pitching besides Wade Miller and future Cy Young winner Roy Oswalt? Though he just resigned for another year, the Shaner’s back is iffy, so it can’t hurt to pick up another veteran.

5. Well, I might as well be greedy and say that I would like a new shortstop, third baseman and right fielder, too. Thanks.

6. “Will and Grace” to run for an hour instead of a measly 30 minutes. “24” on its own continuous loop.

7. Brett Favre to win MVP. And not just because he’s hot.

On Sunday, he led Green Bay over San Fran on the road in nasty conditions, but the wind and rain couldn’t have caused much concern for the Pack faithful. After all, this guy is 34-0 at Lambeau Field when the temperature dips below 34 degrees. That’s a ridiculously sure thing during the playoffs, if Green Bay can get home field advantage.

Favre is now 9-1 against the Niners, proving to be the difference in the match-ups between two of the top NFC teams. The one loss was the miraculous comeback in the 1999 NFC wild card game, when the “Redemption Reception” with three seconds left gave the Niners the win.

8. The receiver of the Redemption Reception, Terrell Owens, to come back in his next life as a cheerleader. Or maybe even become one after retiring, just so I can live to see it and pee my pants.