In the long shadow and frigid wind of Soldiers Field, a squad of brown-haired quadrupeds ran down the field hopping, slobbering and snorting. But the Yale cheerleaders weren’t the only furry animals scampering across the stadium; the mounted state troopers patrolled Soldiers Field after Harvard’s victory over the Eli menace, riding tall over the crowds of Harvard enthusiasts rushing the field to greet the vanquished Yalies. Last week, the Crimson Staff listed some of the ways in which Harvard beats Yale every day. This week, we have compiled a new list showing how fair Harvard, on its own turf, demonstrated its superiority over our visitors from that block of concrete called New Haven.

Halftime:

Harvard: Dean of the College Harry R. Lewis ’68 and a chainsaw go after handsome Dan.

Yale: Demonstrated what most of us already knew: the Yale spirit is best personified by a giant trash bag.

Winner: Harvard

Fan Accoutrements:

Harvard: Long, red “boppers.”

Yale: Bopper envy.

Winner: Harvard

Tailgating:

Harvard: No kegs.

Yale: Plenty of mace.

Winner: Harvard

Stadia:

Harvard: The first reinforced concrete stadium in the world.

Yale: Soviet-style lines for shuttles to the Yale Bowl.

Winner: Harvard

Employees:

Harvard: Janitors and dining hall staff are paid a living wage.

Yale: Labor relations put Mr. Burns to shame.

Winner: Harvard

Downtown:

Harvard: Five clubs, one cover charge.

Yale: Didn’t have to pack heat this weekend.

Winner: Harvard

Nightlife:

Harvard: Bars provide sanctuary from the cold Cambridge night.

Yale: Bars on the windows provide sanctuary from the New Haven “nightlife.”

Winner: Harvard

Once again, the Crimson are the big winners by 7. Harvard may lack lux, but the Cantabs opened up a big can of veritas on the Yalie intruders this weekend.