Harvard students are well aware of the countless ways in which our students, education and city are far superior to those of Yale. But as a reminder—and for the benefit of the hapless Elis making their way into beautiful Cambridge this weekend—The Crimson Staff has collected some lesser known, and often under-appreciated, face-offs between Harvard and the clearly inferior institution we call our rival.

Pride of the College:

Harvard: TR, Class of 1880; FDR, Class of 1904; JFK, Class of 1940.

Yale: Dubya.

Edge: Harvard

Legacy:

Harvard: 366 years of illustrious intellectual history.

Yale: A lock company.

Edge: Harvard

Every Student Should Have:

Harvard: An understanding of science, literature and the “ways of thinking.”

Yale: A gun.

Edge: Harvard

Football Star:

Harvard: NFL prospect Carl Morris ’03.

Yale: Star? Football?

Edge: Harvard

Presidential Power:

Harvard: President Summers: Former U.S. Secretary of the Treasury.

Yale: President Levin: “It is to Harvard that the whole world looks for leadership.”

Edge: Harvard

At The Movies:

Harvard: The feature films Legally Blonde, How High and Stealing Harvard—total gross over $125 million.

Yale: An undergraduate porno—totally gross.

Edge: Harvard

The Other HYP School:

Harvard: Princeton goes after our top professors.

Yale: Princeton goes after its admissions data.

Edge: Harvard

Student-to-Student Communication:

Harvard: Going wireless.

Yale: Restricting Kazaa. (Haha, suckers!)

Edge: Harvard

Community Issues:

Harvard: In search of more space to expand our Nobel-winning academic juggernaut.

Yale: In search of their hubcaps.

Edge: Harvard

As expected, The Crimson defeats the Bulldogs 9-0.

We predict a similar outcome at the game tomorrow—Yale falling defeated at the feet of the mighty Cantabs. The only difference will be a much larger margin of victory.

Want to visualize second-best? Just look into the Lux.