WORST EXCUSE FOR PENN STUDENTS PLANNIG ON MISSING CLASS TOMORROW

“I got hurt trying to tear down the goalposts.” Not only were their attempts ultimately futile—the mob could only slightly bend the crossbar—but Penn students should know better than to go to class in the first place. It is Penn, after all.

WORST WAY TO HONOR A FOUNDING FATHER

Dressing up like him and prognosticating football games. ESPN’s Lee Corso’s imitation of Benjamin Franklin, complete with wig and colonial garb, probably made the inventor-statesman turn over in his grave.

WORST TYPE OF REALITY TELEVISION

Tim Murphy’s ineffective pregame speech, which was broadcast during College GameDay as part of ESPN’s comprehensive coverage. Hopefully there’s no sequel planned for The Game.

BEST WAY TO AVOID THE WORST LOSS IN HARVARD-PENN SERIES HISTORY

Drive 80 yards for a meaningless touchdown in the waning moments of the game. Matt Fratto’s nine-yard TD catch narrowed the lead to 35 points, which assured that the worst loss would remain the Crimson’s 47-7 destruction in 1981.

BEST WAY TO SNAP OUT OF AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX

By catching nine balls for 139 yards and a touchdown. Quaker wide receiver Rob Milanese was able to prove, at least for a day, why he is worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as Carl Morris, who received much more media attention last week and received fewer passes on Saturday.

MOST ENTERTAINING NON-FOOTBALL PLAY OF THE DAY

When Harvard football alum and current WWE wrestler Chris Nowinski ’00 picked up the Ben Franklin mascot and lifted him over his head. Unfortunately for those among us who despise doughy-faced mascots, “Chris Harvard” didn’t follow through on the body slam threat.

—THE CRIMSON STAFF