Kyle P. Smith '03

House: Mather

Concentration: English

Hometown: San Diego, Calif.

Ideal date: The mall, obviously.

Ideal mate: The sex appeal of Johnny Knoxville combined with the insane party tactics of Bijou Phillips.

Your sexiest physical trait: My long-limbed clumsiness.

Best way for a guy to get your attention: Be a parody of yourself.

Sketchiest moment at Harvard: Consummating my relationship with someone once known as the Magical Mr. Mistoffeles.

Any advice to the ignorant first-years out there? Graduate ASAP.

Where to find you on a Saturday night: Snorting Ritalin by myself and dancing to New Order.

Your best pick-up line: “Hi, are you from Pearl Harbor? ’Cause baby, you’re the bomb!”

The most memorable pick-up line a guy has ever tried on you: “I knew Versace. He was okay...he was NOTHING.”

Describe yourself in three words: Self-obsessed and sexxee.

In 15 months you are: Assistant Kimmie.

In 15 years you are: Anna Nicole.