The role of the vice president of the United States is very much like that of the first runner-up in the Miss America competition. He or she gets to take over only in the event of death or a really big scandal--but these days, it's unlikely that even posing nude will be enough.

Nevertheless, the process by which vice presidential candidates are selected is a crucially important one. This year, the two major candidates have been inundated with requests for consideration. Because of this, the two major parties have joined forces to streamline the process of vice presidential selection by establishing a common application form for the position. According to an official of one of the major parties, the new application procedure will make the selection process more open and transparent. In his words, it will help both parties prevent repeating the mistakes of the past, some of whom turned out to be "real whoppers." They have asked all potential candidates to provide answers to the following questions. The form, which I've obtained from a high-level source, is reproduced below.

VICE-PRESIDENTIAL APPLICATION FORM:

Thank you for your interest in the position of vice president of the United States. Please answer all questions below, including the essay portion.

Section I. Multiple-Choice.

What qualifications do you have for the job of vice president? (Please circle all that apply.)

A) I am from a big state where the voters like me. B) I can raise a lot of money. C) I am a woman. D) I often dress as a woman. E) Other (please explain).

Of the following individuals, whose tenure as vice president do you think was most successful?