The Proof Is in The Pudding

By SOMAN CHAINANI

and CHRISTINA B. ROSENBERGER

CRIMSON STAFF WRITERS

A frothy diversion, some call it. A mindless drag extravaganza, others might say. But for $27, we expect a lot more than just fluffy entertainment from Hasty Pudding Theatricals. We expect-- we demand!--art. Art that transcends the boundaries of time, space and gender. Art that can be discussed at the Advocate without prompting red-faced embarasssment. Art that--gasp--means something.

Burning Question: Did we find what we so desperately sought? Well, it all depends on your definition of art.

So we wholeheartedly dive into the creamy pool of double entendre, sheer pantyhose and hair extensions that is the Hasty Pudding and surface with shiny pearls of wisdom. So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

This means, of course, that we must get the small details out of the way. The 152nd installment of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals, The Jewel of Denial, thankfully does not stray from the tried and true Pudding formula--glittery costumes, terrible puns, a theater full of drunk alums to laugh when no one else does. But do we still love it? Of course we do. Who wouldn't? The Pudding transcends theater, transcends critical scrutiny, even transcends the magnifying glass of one Dan Wagner '03 (the HRDC wishes it were as transcendent)...

So to recap: the costumes are grand, the sets are spectacular, the boys are pretty, the show is, well... But the subtext--ah, the subtext! In a series of deductive proofs that deconstruct this subtext, we find nirvana.

Token Plot Summary

Since a Hasty Pudding show must consistently be centered around a punny title, the plot is, to no one's surprise, quite uncentered. Andrew Dudley '00 and Nick Grandly '00 try valiantly to take The Jewel of Denial (do you get it? do you get it?) and spin it into a travelogue of lust, deprivation, and US-Anglo reconciliation; indeed, their ambitions are so lofty that a summary only succeeds in stripping their premise of its undeniable complexity. But we try, nevertheless. A southern belle finds her glittery "jewel of denial" swiped by Jacquelyn Hyde, her schizophrenic, Mary Reilly-cum-dominatrix maid. But no sticky-fingered maid ever works alone, of course, and we soon discover that she is indeed a partner to Colin Izer, who not only aspires to rule a worldwide British empire, but also, ironically enough, resembles Gandhi. Toss into the mix a) a beheaded Egyptian queen and her abusive pharoah husband (technically dead), b) a bisexual peacock and c) a wimpy Scottish detective and a busty, lusty Irish lass. Inevitably, the misfits gather in the Egyptian desert--the men castrated, the women sexually frustrated. Enter cast in glittery miniskirts, giant kickline, bows, hooray!

Birds of a Feather Sleep Together

Objective: To prove that Middlesex, however amusing, is an inaccurate depiction of the _Pavo cristatus_ species.

Postulate 1: Peacock: n. 1. A majestic bird known for its colorful plumes, expression of disdain, and symbolism of the colonial experience 2. (used in HPT country) small genitalia

Postulate 2: A peacock should be a beautiful, regal animal. The HPT's peacock, Middlesex, however, is neither. (Ben Kornell, however, extricates himself admirably.)

Postulate 3: Even more disturbing, he is forced down our throats as the sole sex symbol of the production (unless you count BJ Avrell's legs...) and he emits little of the "loco libido" he is so proud of. In other words, he's all talk - a peacock who can't strut.

Postulate 4: According to Encylopedia Britannica, "In courtship displays, the cock elevates his tail, which lies under the train, thus elevating the train and bringing it forward. At the climax of this display the tail feathers are vibrated, giving the feathers of the train a shimmering appearance and making a rustling sound."

Postulate 5: Middlesex neither rustles, nor vibrates, nor has a shimmering appearance. (In fact, he resembles the unfortunate lovechild of Big Bird and Grover.)

Conclusion: Sesame Street characters should not sleep together.

The Politics of Being Neutered

Objective: To decode the climactic impotence of all the male characters in the show at the end of Act I and to explain the subtle social significance of losing one's genitals

Postulate 1:

Jewel of Denial

Where have _my_ precious jewels gone?

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

Postulate 2:

How can one describe

The loss of a "manly member"?

Primal Scream? Frostbite.

Conclusion: The Hasty Pudding has a firm handle on the punny implications of its show's title.

HYDE AND SEEK

Objective: To prove that Jacqueline Hyde, the show's vampy and schizophrenic villainness, demonstrates the Pudding's remarkable grasp of psychoanalytic complexity.

Postulate 1: Actor BJ Avrell '02 has better legs than any girl we've ever seen.

Postulate 2: In one key scene, Middlesex must consort with two women in three minutes to lift the Jewel's curse. Two-faced Jacqueline Hyde seems the most logical partner.

Postulate 3: Unfortunately, sex with split-personality victims is not listed among the abnormal fetishes at www.oddfetish.com.

Postulate 4: But when the Hyde performs the requisite sexual act(s), everything is magically resolved.

Conclusion: Once again, the Pudding produces a female lead which does the Women's Studies department proud.

SOUTHERN COMFORT

Objective: To prove that tomorrow is indeed another day.

Postulate 1: One has to wonder what induced Denise Ovanuncle, lovingly played by Ben Forkner 01 (we havent seen a neck like that since Audrey Hepburn!), to leave her cherished Georiga for the cobblestones of London, but we suspect it was a preference for Pepsi.

Postulate 2: She quickly switched to English Ale. (Had Twinings Lady Gray not hit London yet? Or was Denise not that sort of girl?)

Postulate 3: Amidst all this beverage befuddlement, this southern belle promptly lost, and found, and lost again, the worlds most priceless object, The Jewel of Denial, picked up an inspector-gadget type at the bar (color: plaid), discovered her family heritage, failed to fire her criminal maid, financed an expedition to Egypt worthy of the Natural History Museums Alumni Tours, forgot to stop at the Nile, befriended a beheaded Pharoahs wife, and used, we presume, approximately 36 cans of hairspray to hold her coiffure firmly three feet above her head.

Conclusion: Maybe she should try Coke next time?

HPT, BBC, AND OTHER HIGHBROW CULTURAL PHENOMENA

Objective: To come to some sort of conclusion regarding the stars acting ability and to attribute praise where praise is due.

Postulate 1: Accents abound! Michael Roiff 01 admirably combines the sounds of Spanish consonants, guttural Hindi, and a smidgeon of Dr. Evils sneer to producer Colin Izers uniquely grating tongue. Seth Fentons Erin GoBragh is a sturdy Irish lass while Bryan Leach 00 manages to balance his wimpy detective, Scotlin Yard, with the best Scottish accent weve heard this side of the Atlantic.

Postulate 2: But, then, again, who says that successful acting requires an accent? Witness the case of Robert Schlesinger in last years show he played a White House intern, in this years he plays an Egyptian Queen. And what does he do with such an incredible opportunity to demonstrate his range? He steadfastly plays the same part. [Nod of approval.]

Postulate 3: And where in Pharaoh Upankhamens name did the Pudding find Brendon DeMay? Sure, hes dirty and stinky as Olive Insquallor, but hes definitely the MVP just because hes the only person who can possibly upstage BJ Avrells legs.

Conclusion: Christina wants to know if Brendon has a girlfriend.

Conclusive Conclusion: Harvard students don't nearly have enough fun. But these super troupers enjoy themselves each and every night and even when the show is just hanging on by a thread, their "loco libido" is infectious. After all, as our favorite character Olive so eloquently puts it, "Oh, it's a dirty job / But we'll all make it through it."