For those of you too busy with shopping classes over the past few weeks to follow the goings-on on the campaign trail, here is a quick and painless introduction to campaign 2000. This is a glossary of sorts, detailing what you need to know to be an informed citizen and voter in the primary elections. Campaign 2000, A to Z:

Arkansas. Thankfully, we can now forget that this state ever existed.

Basketball. Bill Bradley was a professional basketball player. A few years ago, while playing a pick-up basketball game with members of Congress, Al Gore '69 broke his leg and spent six months in a cast. Chalk one up for Bradley.

Cream Soda. Bill Bradley has blamed his recurring heart arrhythmia on his switch to drinking diet cream soda, which contains caffeine. He has since switched to diet orange soda. But what sort of a presidential beverage is diet orange soda?

Dixville Notch. Residents of this small town in northern New Hampshire were the first in the nation to cast their ballots. There are about 25 voters there. They vote Republican.

Electors. As you'll remember from high school civics, we don't actually vote for the President. We vote for the electors, who vote for the President. For an interesting take on the electors, read the fictional account that CNN journalist Jeff Greenfield wrote several years ago, on what might happen if the president-elect is killed by a horse. But no matter--we all know that the media picks the president, anyway.

Felons. In most states, convicted felons are not allowed to vote. In Massachusetts, they may; at times, they've even held public office. Both Democratic candidates have showed a willingness to review the much-criticized current law on the matter, which should ensure a Democratic victory in Concord, Framingham and Walpole.

Guam. George W. Bush is the only candidate with an office in Guam. They usually vote Democratic, but maybe not this year. Guam is not to be confused with American Samoa, where Dan Quayle made his famous "happy campers" speech.