Did you know that "embargo" spelled backwards is, "O, grab me?" Just a thought.

Overheard in Adams Dining Hall...

BOY: I think I'm fucked up because my mom made me watch Fraggle Rock every day as a child.

TREND-O-RAMA: REVOLT AGAINST SNOTTY GIRLS!

They're everywhere you go. The girls with black Kate Spade bags. You try not to notice them, but every time you see them, you instinctively make a face. You don't know their names, but in all truth, you don't care. Because when you see the girls draped in Gucci, wearing Prada shoes, flaunting diamond Rolexes, dripping with Tiffany jewelery, you're not worrying about names or individual identities. They're a concept-interchangeable and a dime a dozen. Ironic, isn't it? They're not bad people, these Pearl Girls. They're just, well, intolerable. But their reign over campuses like Harvard, urban meccas like New York and popular culture is indisputable. Snotty girls rule with attitude and an iron fist. Not only will they be the next editors of Jane and Vanity Fair, but they will also marry rich investment bankers, demand lifetime memberships at exclusive country clubs, buy homes in the Hamptons, and eventually be able to tell the difference between brands of caviar and champagne.

But maybe they aren't quite so "cool," after all. Look carefully and you'll see that the backlash has already begun. It started Oct. 12. Mercedes-Benz took out a full-page color ad in the New York Times and the image of three stunningly beautiful, dewy teenage models instantly drew your attention. Their pleading, almost imperious expressions were given meaning by the ad's tag line: "If their Daddies could buy them Mercedes CLKs, so could yours." The ad only ran once; Mercedes dealerships were flooded with so many vituperative phone calls and all-caps e-mails that the CEO immediately cancelled its run. Mothers angrily denounced the luxury car company for sending the wrong message to their daughters. Fathers didn't appreciate being portrayed as assholes who buy their daughters affection with pricey gifts. And most offended, of course, were the "Daddy's Girls" themselves who found that the ad hit too close to home. The problem, of course, is that the creators of the ads made all the wrong assumptions. First, they made the mistake of believing the target audience secure enough to endure parody. On top of that, they dared to combine the eroticization of young girls with the reduction of the father-daughter relationship into a marketing tool. And if that wasn't bad enough, they also committed another major no-no in assuming that consumption of luxury goods and the flaunting of that consumption is one and the same. The ad agency could only muster, "We thought it was funny."

At Harvard, the backlash against the snots seems well on its way. I've overheard a number of people commenting on how "uncool" punching the Pudding is this year-one girl jumped into my conversation while I was discussing this reversal with a friend: "You know, if I want to go out," she reasoned, "I want to do my hair, wear tight clothes, be fabulous and dance my ass off. I don't want to be in a stuffy room without alcohol, with a bunch of girls in Calvin Klein talking about New York."

But some disagree that Harvard even needs a backlash against the snobs. "I actually think Harvard is too liberal for the snobby girls to rule. Go to Penn and you'll see what it could have been like," said one girl. Maybe she's right-take a look at this e-mail from an officer of a certain "hip" organization to the rest of the staff. The writer clearly believes that her peons are nowhere near as snooty as they need to be. (It was forwarded to me by a disgruntled staff member with the attached note, "If this is what pretentiousness is coming to, let me take no part.")

ok, writers. listen close. i realized the key ingredient missing in all of your work - pretentiousness. i'm serious. our product is not fucking offensive enough. it is not "in the know" and it should be. i want everything edgy and i want everything incredibly obnoxious. i want you offending people and making this organization cutting edge. even if you are not cool, pretend you are. our readers should think you are. i am not on crack. i've decided to get vicious. so impress me.

Backlash or no backlash, there will always be snotty girls who confuse pretentiousness for coolness, pretentiousness for obnoxiousness. But even though the girl is clearly on crack, we can forgive her, right? After all, she does plug my column.

POP CULTURE 101: THE GORE/HURLEY UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE

For Hollywood to be functional, it needs to have a power axis-at any given moment, there has to be an "it boy" or "it girl" to either praise or bash. It's crucial that Tinseltown have a "buzz" person of the month; everyone has to feel like they're responsible for creating and destroying stars. That way, no one can get too big an ego, no one can get too far ahead, no one can turn the power axis into a power black hole. There's only one exception to this general rule. When there's a presidential election, Hollywood unites against the Republican to ensure the Democratic candidate's victory. The Democrat becomes the "it boy," the Republican the whipping boy.

But somewhere along the line, things got screwed up this year. In May, Angelina Jolie was all over the place. Angelina talking about how earth-shattering her sex with Billy Bob Thornton was, Angelina yakking about how she loved self-mutilation, Angelina making out with her brother. But her reign as It Girl ended and Hollywood scurried to find a new subject for ink when she went to film Tomb Raider in London and disappeared from public view.

Elizabeth Hurley to the rescue! In late July, she crossed picket lines to film an Estee Lauder commercial and the striking Screen Actors Guild union prepared to launch full scale war against the diva. But just as they pulled back their bows and sharpened their arrows, the political arena called-George W. Bush started gaining in the polls and Al Gore '69 needed help building momentum before he announced his running mate. Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon, Barbra Streisand and other celebs all went on the record about Bush's incompetence and the stars suddenly started turning out for Gore just as they had for Clinton. Meanwhile Liz Hurley goes incognito...

But then Gore does the unthinkable. He selects a running mate who-gasp-hates Hollywood. Within days, Joe Lieberman starts wailing about "cultural pollution," so Tinseltown momentarily loses its bearings again. After all, they can't bash Bush if Gore's bashing them. What to do?

Hollywood isn't particularly creative these days, so the thought process went something like this: "Well if we were about to bash Liz Hurley and then we started to bash Bush but now Gore's bashing us, well, then, we should...bash Liz Hurley!" Hurley violated the union strike four months ago and thought she had cleanly gotten away with it, but now all of a sudden she's paying the price. Twenty-four entertainment wire articles on Liz in the last four days (compared to two on Campaign 2000)! At the recent premiere for Bedazzled, she was pelted with flying debris and called a "scab" by angry picketers. To add insult to injury, the tabloids keep talking about her 60 year-old lover and comparing her to Anna Nicole Smith. And last week, the New York Post even gossiped about how she refused to get on a private jet because it was too small for her twelve pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage. Sure, Liz Hurley is a real snot, but does she deserve this much attention? Of course not. But hey, Hollywood desperately needed somebody to egg instead of Dubya. And let's face it, even four months too late, Liz Hurley is a lot easier on the eyes.

SOMAN'S SHORTS

www.somanintheknow.com. It's the Signet's worst nightmare...Now that her three sons have all left home for good, my poor mom is suffering empty nest syndrome. First she becomes an Oprah book club devotee and now she's turning to religion. I'm afraid she's going to join a cult. E-mail my mom pick me-ups at mrs_chainani@hotmail.com...A while ago I told you that I thought the new Backstreet Boys single was awful. I changed my mind. Now I love it!...The Office for the Arts asked me to serve on a panel on "Creating Hype and Buzz" this Friday. I'm sitting alongside two expert adult professionals-people who actually have jobs. Why do I feel like a fraud? Come make fun of me from 3:30 to 5p.m. at OCS on Friday...When a girl pointed out a boy that she thought was crush-worthy, I responded, "Boys who wear baseball caps every day have absolutely nothing to say." Do you agree?...Liv Tyler got fat and now nobody will hire her...Get ready for an S&M winter. Two Marquis de Sade movies, a couple of television specials and a reprinting of Justine will make handcuffs the must-have accessory of the chilly season...Golden Invites to the In the (K)now It Boy and It Girl Mixer go out this week. Will you be invited?...I realized that-gasp-I don't have a "drink." When I go out, I always flounder for a minute before ordering something I don't want (like a Heinken. Whose first drink is a Heineken?). So I need your help. I want something sweet but not annoyingly sugary (no amaretto sours or midori anythings), something sour but not too tonic-ky, and something that just looks cool. An astute friend suggested, "Absolut Mandarin and Sprite. That's perfect for you." I tried it the other night. It was terrible. Any other suggestions?

Questions, Comments, Drink Suggestions? E-mail schainan@fas

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