I'M THE LAST ONE TO MAKE A MOUNTAIN out of a molehill, but something's really been getting on my nerves at FM lately. Every time I turn around, there's another editor, designer or photographer employing a useless cliche or euphemism to get a point across. Guys, it's gotta stop.

Maybe I'm coming out of left field in busting everyone's chops here, but this is really starting to become a thorn in my side. I walk into the magazine office, and everywhere I look, someone's dropping the ball, passing the buck or dodging a bullet. And now I'm starting to realize that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Our writers, though still wet behind the ears, are starting to endlessly shoot this shit as well. We don't want to bite the hand that feeds us, but soon enough we'll be digging our own grave. Folks, the buck stops here--if we don't gain control of the situation soon, we'll be up shit's creek without a paddle and we'll all have to throw in the towel.

In all honesty, I'm not sure exactly what bugs me about cliches. I try my best to stay away from them, but beggars can't be choosers. And really, my co-eds are otherwise doing a great job on the mag--I don't want to rock the boat here by telling everyone to shape up or ship out. But these cliches don't help anything or anyone--they're about as useless as a pocket in a pair of underpants.

I know what you're saying, reader, that all this really has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. The magazine's great, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Or perhaps you're yelling that there may be snow on the roof, but there's fire in the belly. I appreciate your confidence, dear reader, but you don't know what's in the pickle barrel until you take the lid off. Where there's smoke, there's fire, and the staff is walking on thin ice.

So I've let the cat out of the bag, but only for everyone's own good. I know Rome wasn't built in a day--it'll take a while to clean the barn of cliches. Hopefully this will get across the message--you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. Ultimately, though, what's good for the goose is good for the gander; you guys will appreciate our renewed effort in the long run. After all, you can't run a jackass in the derby and expect to win.

Have a great break. We'll see you in April.