First Bert and Ernie and now Tinky Winky the Teletubbie. When will children's television finally be safe from the onslaught of ambiguously gay puppets? When will those subversives at PBS stop trying to distort the sexual orientations of our five-year-olds?

One responsible American, the Reverend Jerry Falwell, has had enough. An article in the February edition of his publication, the National Liberty Journal declares war on Tinky Winky, objecting to the male character's red purse and arguing that his purple coloration and his triangle antenna are obvious symbols of the gay pride movement--symbols unfit for the eyes of any good, God-fearing child. Fal-Well fearfully imagines a future of "little boys running around with purses and acting effeminate."

The creators of the Teletubbies point out that Tinky Winky's "purse" is actually a "magic bag" and insist that no political message is intended by his complexion or the shape of his antenna. No matter. We see through these feeble excuses and applaud Reverend Falwell for exposing this great threat to our nation's youth.

When he has done driving the Teletubbies back to Britain, We hope he will turn his attention to other such menaces. We have always expected a pernicious multicultural message behind the antics of "Rainbow" Brite. And those compassionate Care Bears seem to be advocating the sort of logic that leads to the welfare state.

Until Jerry can complete his mission of purification, we urge parents carefully to monitor their children's viewing habits. We recommend that young boys only be permitted to watch G.I. Joe. Who knows how much harm has already been done to the masculinity of our young people. We only hope that regular exposure to automatic weaponry, cruise missiles, and combat aircraft can begin to undo the damage.