The Dreyfus Affair

Benjamin W. Dreyfus '01 is a showman. One can only imagine what the self-proclaimed "long-haired liberal" is thinking. Are his antics a campaign tactic? Or is this Dreyfus in his natural habitat? He could be the John McCain of the Undergraduate Council, exploiting his image as an out-and-out weirdo the same way McCain is capitalizing on the media's current fascination with his temper. Or he could be the Alan E. Keyes '72, with his outrageous allegations and proposals, pushed to the margins of an already marginal race. Dreyfus wants Harvard to regress 30 years to 1969 when students stormed University Hall. He wants the war-like atmosphere of those days to galvanize the student body. He's insane.

His theatrics were nearly as entertaining as Sterling P. A. Darling's '01 grinning face. Poor Fentrice P. Driskell '01 kept having to speak after Drefyus' impassioned, pun-filled, often nonsensical monologues. But one senses that Dreyfus might be hiding something. Something big. Something monstrous.

Dreyfus might be a normal guy. If this is a campaign tactic, it seems to be working. Last night's debate was punctuated by laughter which was more often than not directed at (or with?) him. Benjamin M. Wikler '03did get one laugh, but besides that, Dreyfus is the only show in town. Many students already see the council as a three-ring circus. Presuming Dreyfus doesn't go normal on us, Holworthy basement might become home to a new ringmaster.

Council Catwalk

Last night's Undergraduate Council debate may have lacked substance, but that was certainly made up for with style. From audience member Andrew L. Perito's '01 coral button-down to the supporters of Fentrice D. Driskell '01 and John A. Burton '01 who wore banana-yellow bandanas, oh what a runway last night's debate was!

Vice Presidential candidate Benjamin M. Wikler '03 sported the Don Johnson look with a Miami-Vice-ish ensemble complete with the open-collar olive shirt and coifed hair. The Driskell-Burton ticket went business and Sterling P. A. Darling '01 went just a little easier on the Dep gel. He even shed his jacket at the podium. (Maybe the council really does pay attention to our humble comments here at The Crimson.)

Both Todd E. Plants '01 and Driskell donned trendy black plastic glasses and the white button-up worn by Nehal S. Patel's '02 was a little too unbuttoned.

Catherine E. Tenney '01 sported a fashionable turtleneck in this season's neutral tones (even Al Gore '69 is doing it). Plants wore his coat more like a smoking-jacket than the blazer that it was, and Driskell should have done without the diamond bobby pins.

And Benjamin W. Dreyfus '01? Well, his shirt may have been turned inside-out and his head may have been crowned by that same faded Bulls cap that it always is, but at least we know that his hands will be clean. He told us so.

Swimming in Simile

The Undergraduate Council vice president and presidential candidates seemed to have official platforms that were more than a little influenced by their personalities. Could it be a coincidence that vice presidential candidate Benjamin M. Wikler '03, a member of the Harvard crew team, announced his intention to end Harvard's "sink or swim" atmosphere? The audience could hear the emotion in his voice as he promised to make Harvard into "a sea with a coast guard." Clearly, Wikler wanted us to draw the conclusion that only he, a Crew team member, could fill the position of a coast guard.

Unfortunately, he failed to realize that another vice presidential candidate, Katherine E. Tenney '01, participated in Harvard crew for two years and no doubt could stand as an equally competent coastguard. His entire platform thus undermined, Wikler's parting cry of "Don't miss the boat!" ironically applied more to him than to potential voters.

The pervasive influence of personality quirks into candidates' speeches could be seen even in the presidential candidates. John A. Burton '01 made the key point that "the UC is invisible" to the campus. Indeed, Burton's recent dismissal from the council for lack of attendance can now clearly be disregarded as blatant, unfair discrimination. The council's invisibility understandably prevented Burton, who may also suffer from poor vision, from finding his way to the meeting. In his quest to "make [the council] visible," Burton can help not only the huge number of myopic students at Harvard, but himself.

Dartboard must conclude that Wikler's water-based metaphors failed while Burton's visibility analogy succeeded. Burton's use of tenor and vehicle should be recognized and applauded by our community. However, it must be recognized that Wikler is a first-year, and with a little help from Expos, his use of contrived metaphors will doubtlessly improve.

P. T. BARNUM - Vasugi V. Ganeshananthan; SEVER STYLE - Jordana R. Lewis; MIXED METAPHORS - Breezy H. Tollinger