Dear Computer Technology,

I bet you must be feeling pretty good about yourself. Why, you're probably the most famous 'ology' around, and you're definitely the richest (okay, maybe Scientology's got you beat but not for long). Everywhere I turn, I hear about you, read about you, see you.

You've been on the cover of major publications nearly every day for some time now. You have multiple names and manifest yourself in so many ways, some people don't realize it's you. But I know. One day, you're information technology or telecommunications, the next it's information superhighway or simply, arrogantly, technology.

You also have a way of being the solution to every problem, from low profit margins in mega-corporations to low test scores in public schools. Politicians and CEOs are racing to the soap box arm in arm, hailing you as the way out. If only the kids could have computers, maybe they'd become more literate, stop smoking cigarettes and cancel that shooting spree they were planning for the nonexistent recess.

But I know who's behind the sound bites and conferences. It's you, lurking there, gaining influence by the megabyte, like some drug getting people "on-line" and of course, "wired."

So "computer technology" or "Internet" or whatever your name is, what do you want? Why are you here, and how have you become our new cultural master?

Don't get me wrong. I can think of many ways you've been of service to me and to the world. For example, using your well-known alias "e-mail," you enable millions to communicate with each other over vast distances at low cost. Here at Harvard, in the face of randomized upper-class housing, e-mail lists have allowed scattered friends to maintain a sense of cohesion, if only virtual.

Using the popular pseudonym "World Wide Web," people can address a large audience with few resources and link their thoughts and work to one another, expanding the interaction of knowledge-seekers across the globe.

Under the guise of "telephony," you promise cheap phone rates for all.

As a "personal digital assistant," you help me and others keep track of our lives.

And among your latest identities, "virtual reality" and 3-D displays will bring a new level of realism to our interaction with you.

But what about the costs? We all have a dark side. What is yours?

While we often see you as our savior, here to enhance and brighten our lives, you must also accept that you are the "blue screen of death." Your "fatal exceptions" and "invalid page faults" have been responsible for hours upon hours of lost productivity--productivity that might have been gained with the increased speed you provide.

E-mail is great, but what about spam? All this unsolicited junk is clogging up bandwidth and becoming not only a nuisance, but a security threat to institutions and individuals. It is estimated that 33 percent of all e-mail processed by the world's largest on-line service, America Online, is junk mail.

And what about the year 2000 Problem? All sorts of damage can be done, from power grids to prisoner databases. An Australian government official recently acknowledged the "potential for significant, international economic and social disruption" if certain government agency systems are not corrected. This sounds like a revolution to me. Hey, maybe this is good.

Last, how could I write you and not mention your most painful product, "repetitive strain injury?" Because of RSI, many people, including me, have to rethink their entire life plans. Now I know you did not bring this illness about, but you certainly have contributed to its recent rapid spread.

Or have you? I have always thought that perhaps you are neither friend nor foe to humanity, something neither to hail nor to hate.

After all, you are just a product of people, like guns and cars and drugs.

You aren't responsible for the crash of operating systems; poor design and implementation by companies resting on their success are. Who designs operating systems? People do.

You don't send unsolicited junk e-mail; people do.

You didn't create the Year 2000 Problem. Short-sighted programmers did. And who programs? People do.

You don't cause RSI. A misguided prevailing culture that values production over the cost to the health of the producer does. And who chooses to accept this way of life? People.

When I think about it, you haven't really "done" anything. No 'ology' ever does anything except that for which we use it. Thus I apologize, computer technology. Both my praise and rage are misdirected, and it seems I have answered my own initial questions.

You don't want anything. You are here because we made you and continue to use you. And you are our cultural master because, by our greed or fear or whatever, we allow it.

Sincerely,

Baratunde R. Thurston '99 is a user assistant for Harvard Arts and Sciences Computer Services (HASCS) and a Crimson Online Director and News Executive. This is his last Tech Talk of the semester, and he looks forward to pontificating in print next year. Until them, he urges you to think.