A few days after news of the Joshua Elster rape case broke, I went to a roundtable discussion for women to discuss the possible ramifications of the accusation against him. Huddled in a Memorial Hall classroom, we began to express our feelings on the alleged rape itself and, more importantly, what it could mean for women on this campus. The biggest topic to come out of that discussion was how sad it is that it took the arrest of one of our classmates for women to wake up and realize that we are not as safe here as we thought we were.

Living in the bubble that is Harvard Yard, I had forgotten that there was a real world where real things (like rape) happen. The Elster case was a shock, but it can easily be classified as an isolated event. With the exception of the ad-hoc committee that formed to foster greater awareness of rape on campus, all the excitement died down shortly after the case broke. Life has gone on--and not necessarily with any greater sense of awareness.

I barely thought about my own unsafe behavior after the rape case. Since I began going to school here, I've done all those things women aren't supposed to do. I've walked alone through the Yard at four o'clock in the morning. I've gone to shady places with people I didn't know all that well.

Then I turned to the editorial page of The Crimson and read "Shattering the Silence" (March 6), a searing, anonymous account of a rape survivor who, like me, is in the Class of 2001. Her story, like many accounts of rape, is filled with pain and anguish. "Even though I now consider myself a rape survivor," she writes, "very few people know that I have been raped. This is partly because I don't want to share the most traumatic event of my life with casual friends. But perhaps most importantly, I still fear that I won't be believed."

When I got to the end of the piece, that sense of detachment necessary for the reader to come away from a disturbing story unshaken was missing. I could know this girl. She could be one of my friends. And there are more like her, quietly hiding their secrets, not telling people for fear of disbelief or ostracization or worse.

It's pretty shocking because you don't think things like this could happen to "smart" people. It shows that it's not just evil psycho people who are committing rape and experiencing rape. It is Ivy League students too.

I talked to an organizer of Take Back the Night who thinks that there is more to it than what we at Harvard know. There probably won't be another prosecution of anyone for the next three years that I'm here, but rapes keep on happening.

Women should be more aware of what they're doing, but we can only do so much. We can take self-defense classes and not walk alone at night, but what about the men? I'm more worried about the fact that the men aren't thinking about this. A lot of men are raping without thinking about what they're doing because they don't think it's rape. There needs to be a dialogue between men and women here about their sexual behavior.

I have no idea what causes the depravity of some men (and women) to commit rape. The news that Harvard has been receiving about rape recently is frightening for another reasons as well--what have the women on campus said to each other about this? Are they thinking about it at all?

I've often bemoaned the fact that many Harvard women are reluctant to assert themselves on the topic of sexual equality. The women's groups are all very careful to avoid using that dirty word, feminism. Being feminist hasn't been encouraged or rewarded for many years now. Yet in the ensuing backlash, the best thing about feminism, namely, female dialogue, has fallen by the way-side.

The feelings and thoughts that have arisen on campus due to the Elster case and The Crimson's anonymous op-ed have the power to change the way women are viewed and view themselves on campus. Women can either shape that view or stand by as someone else shapes it for them.

Caille M. Millner is a resident of Matthews Hall.