Friday, Jan. 23: Going out of business sales end. Saturday, Jan. 24: Cleaning out the warehouse begins. Tuesday, Jan. 27: Flipping through catalog starts. Wednesday, Jan. 28: It's time to go shopping!

Alas, the metaphor falls apart after the 28th, when you try to apply the adage that salespeople have quoted since the onset of commercial marketing, "The customer is always right." Shoppers like to try things on at a relaxed pace and see how they feel and fit: if one item is too itchy and another too tight, we put them back on the rack and start over at the next store. But try this method while looking for classes during Harvard shopping week, and you'll end up with three Cores you've never heard of and, if you're lucky, an anthropology course.

In fact, shopping period strikes Dartboard more like a bidding war than a rosy post-Christmas sale. Trying to get into the classes Dartboard actually wants to take is about as easy as studying in the Winthrop JCR without being robbed.

Fill out a lottery form here, Dartboard, take a number there, Dartboard, and kiss up as much as you can, because this class is restricted. Shall we write an essay showing you how much we know, how much we need to know, what we've done and how much we care, fax it to your country house and drop it off in your box in the basement of the Bio Labs?

And if that doesn't work, professor...well, shall we just clean out the warehouse early?