It's rather frightening, really. Somewhere, somehow it'll be happening, and you can't do anything to stop it. At any given 20-minute-or-more pre-planned slot this weekend, it will be going on. And when it's not going on, people will be thinking about it. You're probably thinking about it right now: ARTS FIRST.

ARTS FIRST '97 marks the fifth anniversary of the festival, begun by former Overseer John Lithgow '67 in 1993. The weekend provides the singular opportunity of concentrating on arts and arts alone. Forget about that last paper and enjoy the arts: You're soaking in it.

With so much to choose from, you might be overwhelmed, and that's understandable and perfectly normal. To narrow the field, here are some selected highlights of ARTS FIRST weekend. Enjoy!

Today

7:30-9:30 p.m. Asian American Film Festival. Three days of screening begin with the internationally award-winning Banana Split. Emerson, Room 205.

8 p.m. Official Kickoff Event: Screening of A Perfect Candidate. Savvy feature documentary about the "heart of darkness" of the current political process as illustrated by the 1994 Virginia Senate race between Oliver North and Charles Robb. Carpenter Center, Room B-04.

8 p.m. Assassins. The Sondheim musical that deals with--i.e. glorifies--the killing of political leaders. Tickets: $3, PfoHo residents; $4, the rest of us. Pforzheimer House Dining Hall.

8 p.m. The Glass Menagerie. An old chestnut by our favorite postmodern American playwright, Tennessee Williams. Tickets: $5 students, $7 everyone else. Agassiz Theater.

Friday

11 a.m.-8 p.m. Outdoor Music Stage at the Holyoke Center. Ongoing performances of damn good music, including the blues-funk-rock quarter Blue Tantrum and the Harvard Drumming Ensemble (all drumming done by hand). Holyoke Center, Forbes Plaza.

4 p.m. A Midsummer Night's Dream. What fools be these mortals? Puck & co. answer in this spirited outdoor performance. Memorial Church steps.

4:30 p.m. Make-Your-Own-Instrument Workshop and Parade. Interactive art has never been so fun: get it, build it, play it. Harvard Yard outside of Dudley House.

8 p.m. Don't Try This At Home. The Harvard Magic Society provides entertainment "not appropriate for young children." Tickets: $5, students, available at Sanders Box Office. Agassiz Theater.

8 p.m. Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune. Student performance of the Terrence McNally favorite, with Sarah Burt-Kinderman '97 and Peter Friedland '98. Loeb Ex.

8 p.m. Bach's Mass in B minor. Performed by the Harvard University Choir and the Baroque Chamber Orchestra. Tickets: $6 students, $10 general. Memorial Church.

Saturday

11:30 a.m. ARTS FIRST Parade. Make a spectacle of yourself and then gorge yourself at the Science Center at a barbecue picnic. Starts at the Inn at Harvard.

1-1:20 p.m. Same Old Psyche, Sane Old Psycho. Noam Weinstein '99 is back, singing and performing an entirely new repertoire of original songs. Loker Coffee-house.

1:30-1:50 p.m. Gumboots Dance. Developed by South African miners, a gumboot dance must be seen, heard and felt to be truly appreciated. Sanders Theatre.

1:45 p.m. 1000 BALLS. More oranges than you thought possible will float above you. Meet at 1:30 p.m. if you, too, want to throw things into the air. Outside Science Center.

3-3:20 p.m. On Thin Ice. Improvisational comedy created on the spot through suggestions from the audience. Sanders Theatre.

3-5 p.m. Student Film and Video Screenings. Quality short films by students and graduates, ranging from ref-elections on Star Wars to a careful study of homeless women. Carpenter Center, Room B-04.

3:30-3:50 p.m. Arabic Calligraphy for Children. Engaging workshop for kids of all ages and skills. Museum of Cultural and Natural History, Romer Hall.

4-4:20 p.m. Italian Love Songs from the Turn of the Century. Donaudy. Tosti. Denza. Cardillo. Dig it. Fogg Museum Courtyard.

4-4:20 p.m. Seventeen Brief Symphonic Pieces. Don't be fooled, as this three-piece rock band, The Pissed-Officers, will allow things to get out of hand. Science Center A.

4-5 p.m. Pops First! Here's a chance to hear some of the finest film and Broadway scores ever composed, as performed by the Harvard Pops Orchestra. Sanders Theatre.

8 p.m. A Celebration of Brahms, Schubert, and Mendelssohn. Featuring the Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra, Harvard Wind Ensemble, Harvard Glee Club, Radcliffe Choral Society and Harvard-Radcliffe Collegium Musicum. Tickets: $6/8/11 students; $8/11/13 general. Sanders Theatre.

Sunday

12-2 p.m. Blue Tantrum. Down at Mather House something big is happening: Outdoor musical performance featuring Andy Eggers '99, Gian Pangaro '98, Scott Roy '98 and Noam Weinstein '99.

2 p.m. Open Reading of the 1812 Overture. All musicians of all levels can join in this open performance of the cannon-filled classic (helium balloons will suffice) Lowell Courtyard.

3 p.m. Capoeira: Dance of Liberation. The Harvard Brazilan Organization presents a thrilling, even over whelming, ritual of high-powered dance and song Dunster Courtyard.