As a lifelong Yankee diehard, I figured this would be the perfect week to write a column on the Bronx Bombers.

Perhaps a touching, Billy Crystalesque, account of my first trip to Yankee Stadium. Maybe a poignant memory of my family gathering around the radio to hear John Sterling's melodious, "Yankees win, the-uh-uh Yankees win!" But I will spare the audience my joyful tears, at least until they win it all.

Instead, I focus on the rest of baseball. As the grass beiges over, and the New York Jets smoothly continue their monopoly on woeful ineptitude, it is time for a reflection on the 1996 baseball season.

The national sportswriters give their own end-of-season awards, but they're always filled with countless ambiguities. Does an MVP have to play every day and be on a contending team? Does the Comeback Player of the Year have to have been as good before as he is now? To clear up all confusion, I present to you, The Greene Awards (or at least some of them):

A.L. MVP

The baseball writers think this is up for grabs. I don't. They say it's between a bunch of burly hitters with absurd power numbers and lofty batting averages. I don't. I hope I'm not being partial by giving this one to Mariano Rivera.

The Greene unofficial guide to this season's baseball stats says this season's Yankees outscored opponents over two to one in the sixth, seventh, and eighth innings of games. The Yankees, by the way, are the American League's representative in the Fall Classic.

Some opponents say that, despite his record, Andy Petitte shouldn't win a Cy Young Award because he doesn't complete enough games. I wonder why he doesn't.

A.L. Manager of the Year

This goes to the Cardinals' Tony LaRussa. I know he's in the National League, but he's basically managing the 1990 Oakland A's.

He led the Cards to a division title and seven strong games against the Braves (though I'm not entirely sure Atlanta wasn't just toying with them)--a round of applause is in order.

N.L. Comeback Player of the Year

This one is straight out of my unofficial guide to stats--Ellis Burks led the majors in slugging percentage. He was good, and then he was bad, and now he's unbelievable. I know he plays in a ridiculous "stadium," but come on!

A.L. Cy Young Award

I thought, briefly, about Petitte, or Pat Hentgen, or maybe Ken Hill. But I have to settle on the California Angels' Troy Percival.

The man has an incredible control of the strike zone and throws about 98 consistently. Oh yeah, and he's almost legally blind and doesn't wear glasses or contacts when he pitches.

Says they get in the way.

A.L. Comeback Player of the Year

There could be a case made, I guess, for Doc Gooden, or Kevin Elster, or maybe even Darryl. But I would be kidding myself if I thought anyone could receive this particular honor but Lee Guetterman.

I don't even know what team he's on, but the dude had dropped off the face of the Earth, and I definitely saw him pitch in some game this year.

Sorry Doc.

N.L. Rookie of the Year

Fernando Valenzuela. I have a feeling he's pitched before, but he claims he's only 22, so why argue?

In other words, the end-of-season baseball awards should be treated with the same frivolity with which I treat my statistics class.

It's nice to hear that one of your favorite players was recognized on the national stage. But after the last pitch of the World Series is thrown, the important things in life will become basketball, football, and the Simpson's season premiere (though not necessarily in that order).