At FM, we obviously haven't got a clue. We tried to start a fashion column and ended up writing about nudity (silly us, fashion without clothing), underwear (underfashion?), perfume (wait, if you can't see it is it still fashion?). We missed up even stiletto heels--we talked about our height and not about that of those who matter. For some reason, we thought that fashion had to do with individuality, personality, creativity--you know, all those silly things. We forgot it was about being cool--hey, it's been a while since junior high.

Well, we're sorry. And to make it up to you, we are finally doing some serious fashion. Going professional, where everyone's thin bodies wear identical clothing and everyone' pretty heads assent in unison to a mindless beat. And we thought we were cool.

THIS PAST WEEK has seen a profusion of fashion-related events heralding the coming of the summer months. The Boston Chapter of AmFAR (the American Foundation for AIDS Research) and Louis, Boston hosted a runway show last Thursday, featuring the clothing lines of Romeo Gigli, Donna Karan, Zegna, Vestimenta, Jill Sander, Calvin Klein and Prada. With more than 250 guests in attendance, all seated around a silver-lined cat-walk lit by matte-black halogen spot lights, the event was an exciting, if somewhat overly-choreographed, into to this season's hippest wear.

Two days later, Jean Colonna, the brash boy of grunge Parisian avant-grade, presented his fall collection of women's and men's clothing at the Institute of Contemporary Art. The event was a fundraiser for the Institute, the ideal location to the introduce Colonna's hybrid clothing. Both the women's and men's wear combined tight-fitting polyesters, black and silver leathers and a transparent, paper-like material. The models came swaggering down the runways in provocative, fluid movements, some dancing exotically to the grinding heavy metal. The whole event was very "in your face" with the women wearing pouty, bitchy looks and the men looking arrogant as all hell. It was an excellent crowd of probably close to five-hundred with no shortage of transvestites and coked-out decadents. What they were doing in puritan Boston remains and mystery to me.