AFTER FOUR YEARS of cartooning at Harvard, I've discovered that many people are acquainted with me by my cartoons alone. They see my initials next to drawings in the Crimson or Lampoon and think they know me. When such people meet me for the first time, they are often surprised that I do not have bulging eyes, tangled hair, extra fingers or huge feet. They expect me to be a living Budnitz cartoon, with a heavy black outline all around and my initials in my armpit.

I am writing this piece to clear up such misconceptions, to separate myself from my art. I want to unveil the person behind the cartoons. To this end, I am going to answer those questions people most often ask me.

Where are you from?

I was born in Newton, Massachusetts, and grew up in Atlanta, Georgia.

What's your concentration?

It's a joint concentration: English and VES.

Where do you get your ideas?

I get them out of my head.

Who are your favorite artists and cartoonists?

I like political cartoonists like Doug Marlette and Mike Lukovitch. One of my favorite illustrators is Maurice Sendak, the man who wrote and illustrated the children's book, Where the Wild Things Are. I read an interview in which Sendak said the wild things in the story had been inspired by relatives from his childhood. He explained how when he was a child, these very old, frightening relatives with beady eyes and hair in their noses would come to visit for dinner. They would lean very close to him and say things like, "You're so cute I could just eat you up." They looked so threatening that the young Sendak was afraid they actually would.

Is that how you get the ideas for your characters? Do you have a really ugly, deformed family?

Hey, watch who you're calling ugly, dogface.

Graphics Who else? Judy R. Budnitz

Are you always so defensive?

I am a sensitive artist. You cannot understand me with your mediocre mind.

Are your monster drawings inspired by childhood fears? When you were younger did you imagine that you had monsters in your closet?

Of course not...But for God's sake don't look under my bed.

What is your favorite movie?

That would be Delicatessen, a foreign film about cannibalism and neighbors and musical saws in a post-apocalyptic world. It's a nice family film.

What was your favorite moment in Pulp Fiction?

It was when Uma Thurman told John Travolta not to be a square and she drew a square in the air. Clever, clever, clever Mr. Tarantino.

What is your least favorite movie?

The Lion King. Come on, everybody knows lions can't talk.

If you could resurrect anyone from the dead, who would it be?

Defnitely Jim Henson. He was my hero. I love Muppets. Sometimes I think they are infiltrating the human world. There are plenty of people around with googly eyes, fuzzy hair and skin that looks suspiciously like synthetic foam. But now he's dead, and there will be no more Muppet movies. It makes me sad.

I can't believe you didn't say Kurt Cobain or River Phoenix. What planet are you from?

Blargon 7. Don't tell anyone. The takeover is imminent.

What tool do you use to draw?

That depends on which meaning of "draw" you mean. If by "draw" you mean "drawing blood from the necks of human victims," then the answer would be my vampire fangs, of course. If you mean "draw" as in "drawing stupid cartoons," then I would say Micron Pigma pens in a variety of widths.

Isn't it true that you just finished a creative writing thesis? Do you consider yourself a writer as well as an artist?

No, I am not a writer. If you look carefully at my short "stories," you will see that they are actually nothing but black marks on paper, abstract drawings. People only think they are stories! I have fooled everyone!

When did you first learn about the power of imagination?

I used to bring a Snoopy lunchbox to school. It was light blue and plastic and had a red thermos inside. After a while it broke, and I got a metal Little House on the Prairie lunchbox with pictures of Laura and Mary and Ma and Michael Landon all over it. After I lost that, I brought my lunch to school in a brown paper bag. Then we ran out of food at my house, but I told everyone I had a magic invisible lunch, and they all thought I was the coolest kid in the second grade.

That's a nice story.

Thanks. I made it up myself.

What do you plan to do after you graduate?

I'm planning to produce a feature film based on my life. I'm working on the script right now, and Tarantino has agreed to direct (we are old friends). We are already working out the casting: perky Winona Ryder will play me as a wide-eyed idealistic freshman, and the 400-pound transvestite actor Divine will play me as the bitter, disillusioned senior (yeah, I know Divine is dead but I'm sure we can prop him up or something. They can do anything with dead people in the movies these days--didn't you see The Crow?). My Roommate will be played by Peter Falk. The staff of the Crimson will be portrayed by Fraggles. The staff of the Lampoon will be played by the Jawas from the first Star Wars movie, except for Rebecca Kirshner, who will be played by Courtney Love. Courtney Love will be played by Rebecca Kirshner. David Spiegel will fill the underwear role. Winsome Brown will appear as herself.

The film will have lots of fancy MTV-style montage editing, shameless product endorsements and poorly-acted director appearances. The kids will go crazy for it. McDonald's will put scenes from it on their Happy Meal packages. I'll be able to retire before I'm 30, and I will live in a Beverly Hills mansion with 17 pools, and Van Goghs on the walls, and beautiful naked dancing men in every room.

What are you really going to do after you graduate?

I just told you.

What are you really going to do after you graduate?

Leave me alone.

Will you miss cartooning?

Yes, there's nothing as exciting as creating something--an image, a face, a character--out of nothing at all, and bringing it to life.

Like me?

Yes, you phantom interviewer. Like you.