NEWT LISTON

Our darling Undergraduate Council has been blowing in the wind again--the prevailing political wind, that is. The similarities between the council and the Republican Congress mount every week; it's enough to give the Dartboard staff the willies.

First came President Liston's "Contract With the College." But wait, you say, it's not as though President Clinton proposed the notorious "Contract With America." Look carefully council watchers--as a leader elected only by the council, Liston's job is exactly equivalent to that of House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

Next, we saw the council decide to distribute block grants to the Houses instead of having them apply through the council's finance committee. Do the words "New Federalism" ring any tinkly little bells? Diverting power to the states is nothing new, if you're Newt.

What's next for the council and the Congress? The council's recommendation that alcohol-bearing parties be opened to several Houses at once makes us suspect that the nation's interstate commerce rules will soon disappear. Will the council follow the congressional lead and try to withdraw all funding for the arts on campus?

We at Dartboard were most intrigued by the long argument staged by council members over whether they should partake of refreshments offered to students at their upcoming "town hall" style meeting. Similar issues of preferential treatment have dogged Congress for years. (Incidentally, we think the phrase is "town meeting," unless you just want a bunch of city councillors to show up.)

How do we know that these parallels will hold true? It's simple. Look at Josh Liston's hair--it's greying, no, it's practically getting white...

IT'S BEEN A SLOW NEWSWEEK

Newsweek's March 6 cover featured a seemingly-bewildered President Rudenstine. The big news? "College Presidents, Coaches, Working Mothers Say They're Exhausted," Newsweek boldly proclaimed. That everyone seems to be exhausted must have come as a great surprise to the editors over there.

Such a banal sentiment should more likely have found its way into a fortune cookie than onto the cover of a pre-eminent American news magazine.

Newsweek fails to pass muster on its content. At last Friday's Freshman Dance, the President looked stronger than he had for a long time. Tanned and smiling, he spent an hour meeting students and dancing elegantly through the Union. That Rudenstine is back made neither an impression on the Newsweek editors or the photographer they hired to take a picture of him last Friday. The cover photo of the president proved once again that image is not reality.

It's too bad that the United States now has but two weekly news magazines (and fading ones, at that). But it would be irresponsible to disregard the sloth and ineptitude of the Newsweek team, considering its unfamiliarity with exhaustion.

A REALLY SALIENT POINT...

Indulge us over here at Dartboard for just a moment. This may sound a little strange, but think of campus publications as police officers. Peninsula would be that stern police officer who exhorts you to moral behavior. Perspective would be the officer who, before heading off to the donut shop, kindly looks the other way as you stumble home drunk and underage. And the Harvard Salient--well, they would be the Keystone Cops. Our question is a simple one: can't those people do anything right?

This week, the Salient proved that they couldn't even lie to the press in a competent manner. On Monday, Salient President Corwyn D. Hopke '96 and former President Whitney D. Pidot '96 denied allegations that the Salient was in trouble. They did make some admissions. Yes, the Salient had instituted a new policy which calls for writers to sell ads if they want their articles to see the light of day. (If this policy does not bespeak desperation, we don't know what does.)