LOEB HOUSE HO!d

An oft-quoted question of Shakespeare's takes on special meaning with respect to Harvard buildings. The inevitable answer to the question "What's in a name?" is a very simple one: lots and lots of money, probably from a donor seeking the long-lasting recognition of having their name on a university building.

Recently, the Loeb family pledged $70.5 million to Harvard, the first gift of over $50 million in the University's ongoing capital campaign. In recognition of their generosity, the University will rename 17 Quincy Street, the official home of University Presidents since 1971, after John L. Loeb '24 and Frances L. Loeb.

We thank the Loebs for their wonderful gift. We understand the altruistic motives behind it. We recognize that the Loebs made their pledge because of their commitment to Harvard and its educational mission.

But let's be frank; the Loebs could have cut a much better deal. Think about it this way. The Loebs donate $70.5 million, the largest donation to Harvard ever from a living benefactor. In acknowledgment of their kindness, a handsome but fairly unimportant building oddly sandwiched between Lamont Library and Emerson Hall is renamed in their honor.

If the Loebs had only moved a little faster, they could have had an entire undergraduate house named in their honor. Harvard claims that they don't rename houses in recognition of large gifts but because of long-term involvement with and contribution to University life. Come on, give us a break. When was the last time Harvard named a building after a long-serving but anonymous dining hall or clerical worker?

Despite the University's protestations, the naming of buildings is at its heart a money matter. If the Loebs had been faster on the draw with their checkbook, perhaps the polysyllabic "Pforzheimer" would have been passed over in favor of the simple and solid monosyllable "Loeb."

In recognition of their largesse, the Loeb family deserves something more than just having 17 Quincy Street named in their honor. We suggest that Harvard mail the Loebs an additional gift--a very special item of clothing, 100 percent cotton of course, with the following message printed on the front: "We donated $70.5 million to Harvard, and all we got were these lousy T-shirts."

We also have some advice for Harvard. The $50 million plus gifts have just not been coming in; the Loeb gift is the first of these. To encourage more big donations, we believe the University should start auctioning off the naming rights to Harvard buildings. We'll suggest two buildings to start the process off.

University Hall. Just because it's gray, dreary and institutional-looking doesn't mean it has to have a gray, dreary and institutional-sounding name. Its abbreviation is the name of rent-a-truck company. What better argument could be made for a new identity?

William James Hall. Sure, James was an eminent philosopher, psychologist and Harvard professor. But here's the important question: did he donate millions of dollars to Harvard? We don't think so. William James may not be the most beautiful building at Harvard, but we're sure we could find some insecure male donor who might be interested...

Of course, this proposed auction is just the beginning. Harvard should not let anything get in the way of its capital campaign. More money for education is far more important than anything as trivial as institutional dignity or age-old tradition. Harvard should offer to rename itself after anyone willing to kick in enough money.

Any objections to Bill Gates University? Good. We thought you'd like it.