Just like Let's Go, I cater to readers of all ages, socio-economic classes and questionable moral standards. However, unlike Let's Go, sometimes I make mistakes. I must apologize to all my Francophilic readers who were offended by last week's misspelling of Eiffel. I was so enamored with my memories of Jacques, I neglected to use my spell-checker. It seems like I can solve everyone else's problems but my own. Once again, I awoke this morning alone, surrounded by piles of reader mail. I wish I had a "George" like my friend in Leverett. What about Norma's needs?

Oh, well. Here are the letters...

Dear Norma,

I'm really not sure what to do. Only you can help me, Norma. The situation has gone from just bad to just plain unbelievable. It would be one thing if my roommate were only cheating on some random girl, but the girl he's cheating on is my best friend! Poor Sally! If she knew, she'd give birth to an elephant. Sally's such a great girl. She's sweet, outgoing and smart. I just can't figure out why my roommate's doing this to her. To complicate matters, I think I'm falling in love with her. Should I tell her? Or should I just seduce her and take her away from all this evil? Help!

Dear Melrosing,

You certainly are in a pickle. Your roommate is putting you in a terrible position. He sounds like a real schmuck. Sally, on the other hand, sounds like the greatest thing since broccoli tofu with peanut sauce. My suggestion is to create a situation where Sally finds out about your roommate's evil-doings and is forced to turn to you for comfort.

Find out when your roommate is going to meet the sinning succubus, and (inadvertently, of course) show up at the same place with Sally. Sally will be utterly distraught and run into your arms. Take it from there! As My mother always says. "Truth is sometimes painful, but it's often the best medicine." Thanks, Mom!

Dear Norma, Anxious in Adams

This is the situation: I won a Rhodes Scholarship, was admitted into Yale Law School and just last night got an offer from McKinsey. The thing is, I can't do them all at the same time. Which one should I pick first, defer, bag all together? I mean, the Rhodes is the super coolest, Yale is the best law school in the universe, and I'd get zillions of frequent flyer miles traveling all over the place consulting for McKinsey. (I could get a free ticket to Tahiti every winter!) The decision is driving me nuts. I can't eat or sleep, and I haven't had any time for my roommates, who are expecting lives of retail and/or artistic squalor.

Dear Anxious, Little Bobby McGee

Get over it, you little snot. Bill Clinton got a Rhodes and went to Yale Law, and look where he is now. He can't even appoint someone to the head of the CIA. Wise up and take the frequent flyer miles. Mo' money, mo' money.

Dear Norma,

I'm eleven years old and I've been reading the Crimson for three years. I just recently noticed that you have an advice column. That's phat! I really need some help, so I thought, "Maybe I should ask Norma." My problem is that my mommy says that I can't watch Power Rangers on TV anymore. Mommy says the Power Rangers "numb me to the real world violence brought on by Republicancaused severe souci-economic problems." She trash-compacted my Power Ranger action figures yesterday. Help! I think she's been replaced by evil alien invaders.

Dear Little Bobby,

Wow, Bobby. That's a big problem. First of all, your mommy hasn't been replaced by evil alien invaders, comforting as that scenario may seem. You're clearly not happy with the way mommy's been acting lately, and it's easier for you to think of her as an evil alien invader. This is a coping mechanism which will enable you to get through what Bruno Bettelheim calls "that thorniest of thickets, puberty."

I know you think your mom sounds loony, but actually she has a point. The Power Rangers are pretty lame. But on the other hand, it sounds like they elicit a good deal of joy too, and we all know you shouldn't snort that. Read a book. Draw a picture. It's better for you.