DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN

Well, our right-wing friends have done it again. Holding to the strong tradition of the South Carolina Nullificationists of the early nineteenth century, the Republicans have again assumed the motto, "If at first you don't succeed, secede, secede, secede!"

Two years ago, a not clearly politicially correlated faction of the Harvard-Radcliffe Republican Club broke off to form the Harvard Republican Action Committee. This vanguard party, this elite force, succeeded in doing very little whatsoever before being resubsumed in the original club.

As of this week, yet another conservative splinter group graces our campus, unofficially. The Harvard-Radcliffe Republican Alliance, whose allegedly moderate members lost elections in the now gender-biased Harvard Republican Club, has made the foray into the wilds of political independence.

These are exciting times for Republicans, exciting times indeed. Why, either of these two organizations could lay the foundation for the Republicans' future on campus! Yes, the capacity to lead a tiny fraction of a population equivalent in size to a tinier midwestern town surely lies ahead for one of these brave groups.

But which of these organizations will gain the recognition of the illustrious Young Republicans and College Republicans nationwide, the national organizations from which support and advice illegitimately come to the outpost in Cambridge? We can only guess that the party's nomenclature will follow an appropriately conservative path and endorse the far more establishmentarian Harvard Republican Club.

We at Dartboard have to say that it probably won't make a whip (or was that a majority leader?) of difference. Even as Republicans storm about Washington, D.C., flush with new-found power, Republicans at Harvard do just about nothing. You might not agree with other right-wing organizations such as the Salient and the Alliance for Life, but you have to give them credit for at least putting out a paper or putting up a poster every now and then.

We'd like to see some more political dialogue on this campus. Instead of getting the most press for factionalizing, mightn't the Republicans get some press for a demonstration or a debate? Perhaps that would be far too populist. Democrats could learn these lessons, too but at least they haven't been so schizophrenic in the recent past. Watch out, Republicans--to paraphrase a great political figure from the opposite side of the fence, the only thing you have to fear are you, yourselves.

DIVINE ACCOUNTABILITY

We're glad that God finally allowed it to snow. It's about time.

The only real excuse that one, even the diving one, might proffer on such an occasion is preoccupation. Has God been so backed up by other important business? Sure, the Streisand lecture must have absorbed much of his attention, not to mention the O.J. Simpson trial. (Court-TV is, of course, universal.) Really, is it such a demanding time commitment to drop a few flurries? Condensation we know just isn't that arduous.

We have heard a multiplicity of excuses and dissemblances better than God's poorly constructed one that "[I] just didn't get to it." For example, "The professor will get back to you as son as possible" at least hints of the possibility of the fulfillment of a promise.

Disingenuousness also works well at times. Take the familiar "I would love to add you to this seminar, but there's really just no room."

More effective is the undisguised, non-doctored truth: "The Undergraduate Council would have spent your Term-bill contribution on student groups, but we found personally beneficial (and highly untraceable) ways to smuggle money to our own little businesses."

Excuses, exschmuses. We want some real answers. We demand the hard facts of God's whereabouts and goings-on beginning on November 1, 1994. An examination of God's schedule and communications is necessary, and we think it fitting that the prosecutor ask the judge to subpoena both the appointment book kept by God's secretary and the phone records held by AT&T Long Distance.

We ask why the first significant snowfall of the year in the Boston area was postponed until February 4. A reply may be sent to the editors at 14 Plympton Street, Cambridge, Massachusetts, 02138.

Since we have tracked God's personal history and see that this forgetfulness is an aberration on God's part, the tardiness is something that could be dismissed. When viewed in perspective (in the light of the rest of God's works), we agree that God should be permitted to remain on the job. But in the future, we expect God to adhere to schedule.