To all you secondary school students at the mercy of the Harvard Dining Services this summer: Here's some information that those mandatory proctor meetings probably haven't supplied. We have to make the best of it all year 'round--you might as well know all the secrets now.

What to avoid:

.Walnut Broccoli Tofu Stir-Fry. It's usually crammed with under-cooked frozen vegetables and some oily peanut sauce. Julia Child's comment on this food when told of it by a reporter was essentially, "Are you kidding?!" Hint: avoiding tofu and tempeh in their many manifestations is a reallygood idea.

.Scheherazade Casserole. This meatless wonder will indeed have repercussions for a thousand and one night.

.Turkey Tetrazzini. Who ever put creamed poultry and dishwater pasta together? No one in their right mind...

Surprisingly good:

.Eggplant Parmigiana. It doesn't look like much, but it's definitely worth a try.

.Pie for dessert. 1) Microwave your pie (avoid the too-dense boysenberry). 2)Put a scoop of white frozen milk confection on it--yogurt or ice cream, you never know. 3) Show visible ecstasy in front of your friends as you feast.

.Mixed drinks. No, not gimlets and Sex on the Beach, but try some cranberry juice in you orange or grapefruit, with a shot of seltzer from the soda bar.

Strange but true:

.Honey mustard, citrus broiled, mesquite grilled and lemon pepper chicken or turkey, it doesn't matter what they call it--it's all exactly the same.

Union spoons are shaper than Union Knives. Do not test this on your friends; try it on the brisket instead.

.Those chandeliers are actually made out of the antlers of animals that Teddy Roosevelt '04 shot. Makes you think twice about flinging butter, doesn't it? FOUR THINGS TO DO

Since your time here is brief, we'll forego the usual "Top Ten" list and give you four suggestions for things to do before you leave Cambridge.

1) Have Ice Cream at Herrell's This is easy, but the lines on hot nights may give new meaning to those jokes about the "People's Republic of Cambridge." Go for the Malted Vanilla.

2) Buy a Publication at Out of Town News Whether you are looking for papers from around the world, or for porn just around the corner, you'll find it all right here. It's your call, but what are the odds that girl from back home is going to be in the Jakarta Times?

3)Take Your Picture With John Harvard He's not going anywhere. Be creative; many bring props. Don't just stand in front, unless you're part of a tour from Des Moines. Clothing optional here.

4)Swim in the CharlesThis is the aquatic equivalent of unprotected sex with an IV drug user. But it's fun, and you only live once right?