Pakulski, Matthew D. Harvard '94. Height: 5'7" Weight: 155 lbs. From Holworthy, Dunster, the Fat Day House in Somerville, and Cape Cod. Began college as a math major and ended up doing a special concentration--Music for Theater and Film. Likes hanging out with this year's freshmen because "they're not yet so poisoned by Harvard" Sweet, occasionally dorky, and oftentimes overtly obnoxious.

Less than a week ago, my entire relationship with Matt consisted of calling each other by names other than our own. We knew each other's real names, but for some reason had taken to calling each other "Fred" and "Bob" on the infrequent occasions when our paths would cross. "Hi Fred," I would say. "he Bob," Matt would reply. "How ya doing John," I would continue, and so on until one or both of us got bored.

"It's not entirely clear how this ritual got started, but I remember that it definately began in the Union. maybe not specifically when Matt was hawking peanuts and popcorn during "Opening Day" day, but I remember that incident quite well. I ate in the now-defunct smoking room all year, and on "Opening Day" day, Matt was dressed in a red and blue striped uniform that said Harvard Dining Services or something on it with a big sack full of peanuts and popcorn. He stood in the front of the smoking room, screaming at full volume, "Peanuts! Popcorn! Get yer peanuts and popcorn here!" It was quite a sight.

Now, after more than six hours of interviews, this is just one of my many stories concerning Matt, stories so strange, so twisted, so perverse, that only the brave should read on.

Matt Pakulski, The Educated Asshole

It was Fat Day's first concert as such (the band was previously called the Anything Family) and lead-singer Pakulski, guitarist Doug DeMay, drummer Zak Sitter and original bassist Kurt Rosencrantz (who has since been replaced by Arik Grier) were ripping through their set in the Adams House Junior Common Room. Fat Day can only play for half an hour at a time--their mind-bendingly frenetic pace precludes playing for any longer--and about halfway through the set, Pakulski announced that he was going to do something "a little bit different."

Now this was around the beginning of second semester last year, and the rag, Harvard's short-lived ultrafeminist journal, had just run a picture of a woman's vagina, with litcigarette inserted, propped up on a stack of books (such as Moby Dick). The picture was titled "The Educated Pussy" and had caused a small-to-medium-sized stir on campus, as well as some great Crimson editorial cartoons.

"This is my performance art piece," Pakulski announced to the assembled crowd. "The Educated Asshole." He dropped his pants and bent over, and DeMay proudly inserted a lit cigarette into Pakulski's ass.

Perhaps most widely recognized as the lead singer of the punk rock band Fat Day. Also well known as a Science Center technician and an Escort Service driver. (It was Matt, incidentally, who, while he was recording Science B-15, used to shake the camera every time E.O. wilson talked about sex.) Favorite class at Harvard was Music 178ar, Ivan Tcherepnin's "Composition in the Digital Electronic Medium." Maximum Rock `n' Roll magazine described his singing on the first Fat Day single as "a really young male or a female with great vocals."

Fuck you in a friendly sort of way

Watching Mart sing is a little bit likewatching a disgusting, hyperactive little kidperform in front of you. He prowls around stage,bunched over the two microphones he has tapedtogether. He screams and chortles and snarls andoccasionally sings his way through Fat Day's sets,grabbing his balls, pulling his hair, yelling'fuck you' at random people in the audience. Healso often will yell 'fuck you' in the middle ofthe street, but in a friendly sort of way.

A friend of Matt's in high school explains whyhis nickname was (and sometimes continues to be)Squid. "Squids move kind of funkey," the friendsays. In concert, Matt moves kind of funky. Hisbody seems to be knotting up and releasing spasmsof energy in waves.

Explaining his singing style, Matt offers: "Ibasically have all of the energy [of Dough DeMay]and none of the discipline. I can't focus. Sosinging is perfect for me because I can justscream my lungs out."

Smokes pot daily. First got high with hisfreshman year roommate who is now an Orthodox Jew.Describes himself as a "lazy piece of shit." LikesSesame Street and bullhorns.

All American, Knute Rockne

Matt does not write a lot of Fat Day's songs,and some of the songs he has written he seems alittle sheepish about. ("Doug doesn't like a lotof the words I write," Matt says, "because I writea lot of stupid shit. But he respects some of thesongs I've written.") "Knute Rockne," a song fromFat Day's first 7" single, is a song that Mattwrote and is not sheepish about, a song withrather interesting origins.