Spring break is finally here, the perfect time to catch up on all your reading and finally write that paper you've gotten three extensions for.

Right. It you're going home, you'll feast on home cooking, remember what if feels like to drive a car, and get back to Cambridge with your paper still unwritten and your books still unopened. And if you're really smart (and loaded) you'll realize you're not going to get any work done no matter what and go somewhere sunny.

After three months of snow and cold weather, waiting another month to wear shorts and sandals can start to feel impossible, and travel all of a sudden seems relatively cheap. Anyway, what are you going to do with the money you made scrubbing toilet seats for dorm crew...save it for grad school? And what's a couple hundred of dollars to get reacquainted with sunshine?

After you've dug your swimsuit out of the bottom of your closet and proclaimed to anyone within earshot that you are going to come back with a tan, you might start to think about the place you are going to visit. Do you need a visa? What's the drinking age? Are American condoms readily available? This will not be, after all, a mind-broadening, different-lifestyle-experiencing, cultural trip. It will be hot and seething with alcohol and debauchery.

And so, for those students who will find themselves in warmer climates over spring break, we have the FM guide on how not to be a stupid gringo.

If you don't want to be made fun of, or have your country made fun of, read on. The few guidelines provided below came up after consulting students from Mexico and the Caribbean, among them Barbadian Timothy E. Codrington '95, Cochair of the Harvard Radcliffe Caribbean Club, and Dax P. Bayard '97, from the Virgin Islands. These suggestions, if followed closely, will endear you to the locals and make spring break a more enjoyable experience for everyone.

1. Before you go the sunny spot of your choice, research your destination. Find out what is the language spoken, or if there are any social mores that you might otherwise unknowingly trample on. If people speak English in your vacation spot (like they do in many places in the Caribbean) they might be upset if you don't know that. And if they speak Spanish, don't go around calling everyone your amigo because they are not, and there's no reason to assume that their casa is your casa.

2. Once you've reached your vacation destination, remember that this is somebody's home. People get up in the morning and go to work or school, so it would be nice if you don't go around screaming "Like a Virgin" at the top of your lungs at four in the morning. People are not taking a break from their lives for your vacation, so don't do anything you wouldn't like your parents to see you doing.

3. Along those lines, wear clothing when you go into the city. Some people don't appreciate it when you show up in their supermakets--or living rooms--wearing only a bikini. However hot the weather might be, a swimsuit and Tevas are not everybody's idea of proper attire.

4. However far away Mother Harvard might be, don't act as if there were no rules. Police officers can get easily annoyed by tourists, and though a warning might make you feel like you have story to tell when you get back to Cambridge, a night in a foreign jail could turn into a very unpleasant experience. Don't assume that experience. Don't assume that just because you're shelling out big bucks there's nothing you can't do.

5. Along those lines, it' good to remember that you can't buy everything, especially people. Dollars are greatly appreciated in places where tourism plays a major part of the local economy, but some things are just not for sale.

6. If you drink yourself stupid, try not to act like a moron. Some countries have no drinking ages, others are not very serious about enforcing them in touristy areas. When the alcohol seems to be pouring sweetly and freely, keep in mind that loud, drunk tourists are an easy target for robbers or anyone wanting to pick a fight. Friendly tourists make annoying drunks, and friendly natives are not nice when they are annoyed.

7. At all times, but especially when you are drunk, try to keep your lust in check. People might not like it very much when you successively hit on their girlfriend, sister, and mother. Conversely, (and especially for women) don't buy everything you hear. Men often flock certain bars on the hunt for American women--who have a reputation of being loaded and easy. If someone says you have a beautiful accent and then invites you for a walk along the dark beach, it's time to walk away.

8. Lastly, don't try to act like you belong when you don't. It's better to practice responsible tourism than to make a fool of yourself by pretending not to be a tourist. Ask reasonable questions, and be polite and respectful at all times. People are happy to talk about their homes, but tourists can quickly look dumb--for example, when they ask if the islands are anchored down of if they're floating freely. (A student from the Virgin Islands tells of a time when clouds were obscuring the ocean, so that part of it looked dark and part looked light. "Some tourists," he says, "asked me if that was the line between the Caribbean and the Atlantic.")

And Always remember FM's first and golden rule of foreign travel: The only good gringo is the respectful gringo.