"You have reached the voice-mail line of Professor Camille Paglia. Due to her pressing obligations as a teacher and scholar, Professor Paglia cannot personally return calls...Do not send faxes. Professor Paglia does not accept them. All pack-ages are opened and inspected by the staff. Unsolicited materials without return postage may be automatically discarded...If you do not receive a reply to your letter or call, please assume that Professor Paglia is not interested in you proposal. The Department of Humanities regrets that our limited staff does not allow us to respond personally to everyone who writes to Professor Paglia. Thank you."

Message received upon calling the office of Prof. Camille Paglia at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia. If you need to reach her, it's probably wise to follow these instructions closely. In her speech at the K-School Thursday night, Paglia explained that she was fired from Bennington College for getting into a "fistfight" at a disco party.