FM realized this week that it had the power to formulate its own editorial policies (Ha ha, Crimson editorial page). so her goes. On the campus front, we're in favor of Radcliffe, freespeech, mandatory no-exercise regimes and leaving Cambridge. We're not in favor of clubs of any kind, facial hair (with all due respect to MF's horendous mutton-chop/Brussel-sprout combo), self-righteousness and radiation experiments. Nationally: yes for health care, Al Gore, and Michael Jordan's new career move; no on guns, the insanity defense and toxic corpses. Internationally: two thumbs up for Lena Olin, Tiger Okoshi, Hungarian dogs, and Russia's new jet-setting Mafia elite (FM lives on the edge.) Two thumbs down for Schoenhof's, France, the Olympics and Russia's new jet-setting Mafia elite (FM doesn't believe in strong-am tactics).

Inside Edge's spring break issue is out. While FM tried desperately to resist the urge to comment on this monstrosity, it predictably couldn't resist. "Confessions of a two-timer" was definitely the most humorous (and probably most offensive) piece; still, the Edge's two center pieces best illustrate their sheer idiocy. The first was an editorial moralizing about the ill effects to violence in inner cities, followed immediately by a spread shouting the virtues of paint ball ("I blew away three people in one day. It was intense," reads a blow quote). Pass the beer, dude.

Conventional wisdom watch. Best trends on campus: saddle shoes, bluegrass, the '40s. (And you through that you were the only one who went to see High Lonesome at the Carpenter Center).

Worst trends on campus: mock weddings, pretending you're married, pretending you're about to get married. Give it up. No one cares, And speaking French at Adams' new Cafe Molotov...especially when it's not your native language. S'il vous plait.

Most conspicuous trend on campus: inter-and intra-literary publication romances. Need we say more?

Most conspicuous campus trend that will be over and done with by the times this magazine comes out: shorts and sandals. Suck it up. Winter's back.

Campus trend that has to die: self-referencing. This morning. when FM was brushing its teeth and thinking over its day, FM realized that a shocking number of articles in FM had to do with FM. Needless to say, FM decided to act, and fast. So no more FM in FM. (Although bluegrass and saddle shoes are still the best new trends).

Conspiracy theory alert: this past Monday (the 21st) marks The New Yorker's 69th anniversary and is also the 29th anniversary of Malcolm X's assassination. Think about it.

Hot tip for the DEA: Last week FM