It's 1993 and we no longer live in a bipolar world. Deterrence is no longer the watch-word of the American national security establishment. Instead, the experts tell us, the challenge of the 1990s is guaranteeing non-proliferation of weapons of mass destruction.

Though no one would suggest that Harvard has a problem with factions of students getting their hands on nuclear devices or chemical weapons, non-proliferation should be an important goal on our campus as well.

I speak of extra-curricular non-proliferation. There's no sense denying it. Harvard has far too many extracurricular activities, publications, musical groups and public service organizations. Everyone and his roommate is a social chair, an associate editor or a "manager" of one stripe or another. Though there is no real harm in the proliferation of titles per se, the proliferation of so many organizations has left virtually every organization understaffed, and talent has been spread thinner than vegemite on a piece of melba toast.

The campus is awash with posters announcing too many comp meetings, advertising too many concerts and soliciting too many submissions, while clogged kiosks sag under the weight of information overload.

The only way to restore sanity, stability and quality to Harvard extracurricular life is the same way diplomats now want to insure world peace: non-proliferation agreements. Thus I suggest that every undergraduate be forced to sign, along with her "no-hazing" disclaimer, the Extra-Curricular Non-Proliferation Treaty.

Preamble: Whereas there are entirely too many extra-curricular activities at Harvard;

Recognizing that not everyone can be a supervisor;

Affirming that quantity can sometimes be inimical to quality,

I hereby promise to abide by the following terms and conditions to prevent the spread of superfluous extra-curricular activities...

That's just a standard pre-amble. Here's the beef, so to speak:

I. A Capella Freeze Clause: No one may found a new a Capella group, until an older one has fallen out of existence. There may be no "theme" groups. For the purposes of this treaty, an a Capella group does not only mean a close-harmony vocal group that sings without accompaniment, but any ensemble that can sing "House of Blue Lights" with a straight face and a clear conscience.

A capella groups are among the most destabilizng extra-curriculars, the Harvard equivalent of ICBMs. A group can burst into a dining hall and smother innocent bystanders in audio cheese before the unfortunate diners can even say "doo-wop." As for "theme' groups, the craze has gone so far that last year posters solicited recruits for a lesbian a capella group. In any case, imagine a group with all the smarminess of a regular group, but which pulls from a tiny talent pool and restricts the already-tired a capella repertoire to thematic tunes. Enough said.

II. Ethnic Unity Clause: No magazine or organization which claims to "provide a forum" for a particular ethnic or religious group is allowed unless there are at least 10 members of that group at Harvard for every one titled position.

This provision would check any attempts at magazines like "Borcht und Sauerkraut: The Journal of Volga-German Americans at Harvard."

III. Any new humor magazine must be funnier than the last issue of the rag.