Top 10 Lies Told By Graduate Students

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is now making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book.

8. I'm going to finish in three years, four years max.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

2. My job prospects look really good.

1. No really, I'll be out of here in at least two more years.

As a service to our younger readers who have only encountered this impoverished group of Harvardians as section leaders, we offer the following clarification of this subspecies' behavior:

Top 5 Lies Told By Teaching Fellows

5. I'm not going to grant any extensions.

4. Call me anytime, I'm always available.

3. It doesn't matter what I think, write what you believe.

2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.

1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.