A s President-elect Bill Clinton begins choosing people to fill up posts in his administration, we at Harvard can be assured that once again our institution will be well represented in the White House Office. "Well, of course," you might be thinking. "Harvard is the home of the best and the brightest. We're number one--U.S. News and World Report even says so."
And, as we all know, if U.S. News says so, it must be true. Actually, we at 15 Minutes think that the students and faculty at Harvard are so well-rounded, so brilliant, so power-hungry, that we'd like to suggest to Bill that he look no further than Harvard University in selecting his cabinet members. That's right--forget the rest of the contenders. Those Yalies and other such rabble have no place in a top-flight Democratic administration.
Harvard--yes Harvard--has a man or woman to fill competently every single chair around Clinton's new cabinet table. If Bill were to grab his cabinet members randomly from the College's dining halls, faculty lounges and administration building hallways, he'd come up with some real winners for his staff.
We even have some specific people in mind. Bill, if you're reading (and we know you are), here are their names and some other pertinent information. Their phone numbers are avaliable from Harvard University Information, 495-1000. Congratulations and good luck in your search.
Secretary of State
HARRY WILSON--The ultimate gov jock.Campus GOP poster boy appeals to both politicalstripes with his winsome toothy grin anddiplomatic skills. His La Flamme brush cut will goover well on the international scene. And hisGreek blood gives him vigor.
Alternate: Professor JOSEPH S. NYEJR.--This international relations demigod isfamous for balancing different world views andproducing his own mish-mash theory to pleaseeverybody. The perfect complement to waffle-proneClinton.
Secretary of the Treasury
SAMEER A. CHISHTY--Senior Class GiftCommittee Chair and Crimson business managerfamous for controlling editors' spendthrift ways.Would be good at signing dollar bills. Won't haveany trouble sticking it to the aged and the infirmto balance the budget.
Alternate: Wiry Papa RUBIN.
Attorney General
MAYA PRABHU--Former UndergraduateCouncil vice chair known for unwavering scruples.Irreproachable. And available.
Alternate: ALAN DERSHOWITZ--Glitz,glamour and chutzpah. Big on first amendment.Short on humility.
Secretary of Labor
DONENE M. WILLIAMS--Harvard Union ofClerical and Technical Workers president wouldbring a little spunk to the labor department. Avoice for the working people. Chants from thebeltway like "Darkness, darkness, crescent moon,we need to have a contract soon" would reallystick it to Corporate America. Most recently seenparading in a witch costume outside PresidentRudenstine's house.
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