Ever since I stepped on the Harvard campus I knew I was going to be slightly different from everyone else, but that is what diversity is about. Like everyone else, I had stereotyped Harvard and I never saw how I would fit into the images I had of this place.

To me Harvard was a genius haven for study-holics where money talked and networking was a must. I am not a genius and I do not study all the time; my working class family straddles the poverty line and I do not like the networking that many of my peers use as a stepping stone to their careers. To top it all, I am a woman of color with an accent and, yes, an attitude. I am a Mexican-American woman--a Chicana--at a predominantly white and male university. I'm still not certain if I have learned to adjust to my new environment.

It was an honor for me just to be admitted. I was the first person from my high school to be admitted, though Mexican-Americans have been recruited to the College since 1969. It took 20 years for someone from my high school to be accepted and I see this as part of the problem.

The summer before I came here, I dreaded thinking about how I would do here academically and socially. I especially dreaded the non-Hispanic people who I would meet. I thought my roommates and classmates would not understand where I was coming from. The reality was not as bad as I expected, but it was not good either.

Coming to Harvard has been a sobering experience for me. It is the first time I have acutely felt that I'm a minority. In my Texas border town, Hispanics of predominantly Mexican descent represent more than 75 percent of the population officially; unofficially the number is probably closer to 90 percent with the illegal migrant population. The student body of my high school was 99 percent Hispanic. Spanish, or Spanglish, was more common than English in my neighborhood. In the United States, Hispanics account for approximately 20 percent of the population. At the College, Hispanics account for approximately 6 percent of the undergraduate population.

My biggest disappointment is to find that people of Hispanic background are not affirmed by the institution that is Harvard University. The number of Hispanics at every level at this University is far below the national standard. Hispanics are grossly underrepresented.

The Hispanic presence at Harvard, partly because the recruiting strategy is not aggressive enough, has not increased. Every year I look forward to more Hispanics on campus, but I always see about the same number of faces at meetings of Latino organizations.

Only six percent of the student body at Harvard is Hispanic and only 2.5 percent is of Mexican descent. Out of 6400 undergraduates about 400 are Hispanic with about 120 of Mexican descent and of these less than 40 are women. An acquaintance of mine who graduated two years ago recalls that is the same number as when she started her first year. According to the a report compiled by the University's Affirmative Action Office, there are four Hispanic senior faculty in the whole University. I can only name one.

The problem starts with the recruiting efforts. These are not far reaching enough to increase the pool of Hispanic applicants. The University is trying, but it is using the same methods used five years ago. Over those five years, the amount of Hispanic representation here has remained stagnant. This begins at the undergraduate level and worsens at the faculty level.

Every year minority undergraduates volunteer to recruit in their home towns to try to increase the pool of applicants to the college as a part of the Undergraduate Minority Recruitment Program. This, however, is too large a task for too small a group of students. Invariably schools and even cities and geographic regions are left off the recruiters' lists. Recruiters are encouraged to repeat previous visits or go to schools where there's potential--i.e. a feeder school.

The fall of my senior year, two college recruiters--from Harvard and Columbia--visited my school. It was the first time I was singled out as Ivy League material and it was only because of my standardized test results. It was then that I decided to apply to Ivy League and equivalent schools. However, just the fact that I made it through high school sets me apart from more than half of the Hispanic population.

No college recruiter is going to make an effort to talk to at-risk students at lesser known schools if there is a Hispanic student at a more rigorous academic (read: nonminority) school. Recruiters are supposed to help increase the pool of applicants, but efforts to find new pools have not been made. Only recently has Harvard looked in its own backyard--the minority neighborhoods of Boston--for new pools.

Hispanic barrio public schools, like mine, are sometimes included on the visiting lists. But the University wants results, and results come from places that have proved successful in the past. The pool of college bound lower class Hispanics is not increasing and no one is making an active effort to increase it. Universities throughout the country do not tap this resource regularly. If they did, they may be surprised at the students they find. Some barrio kids do make it to college. I did.

The current recruiting strategy hurts Latino organizations on campus. Of the total Hispanic undergraduate population in my class, about 20 became actively involved with Latino organizations. These organizations are lucky if they get more than 40 members to come to a meeting. More will show up to social events, less will show up if the organization becomes political and, dare I say, radical.

I have been actively involved in two Latino organization on campus, perhaps even too active. But I do not regret the work that I have done. Through this involvement I tried to build the Hispanic community at Harvard. I wanted to instill a sense of familia within the Hispanic community so it would be more welcoming. I wanted Harvard to feel more like home. But Harvard is a cold place and I cannot do this if I am a community of one.