SOME of my friends call me a "walking anomaly." My roommate tells me that the posters in my room traumatize him. And some have suggested--only half in jest-that my outward religious observance is just--the perfect guise for secret devil worship.

What prompts these strange reactions from those who know me? Nothing more than my love for heavy metal music.

But all of you MTV devotees, Rolling Stone readers, and self-righteous Collegium members out there have metal--and me--all wrong.

You think heavy metal is the musical equivalent of a Chuck Norris movie. Perhaps you think that "music" is too dignified a title to bestow on the crap those tatooed, oversexed no-talents turn out. And even those of you who resent these comments from your parents fancy that metal is just noise.

Besides, all of those metal bands look the same anyway, don't they?

Yes--and all your other worst fears are true, as well; heavy metal makes objects of women, encourages drug abuse, glorifies violence...and some of the bands even worship Satan. But I don't care--I do those things myself.

Most heavy metal songs strike one as being about sex, fast cars and power--traditional themes of rock 'n roll, if more explicit--but several groups write lyrics that are among the most thoughtful and compelling in music. Iron Maiden, for instance, have put out songs on such assorted topics as the Crimean War, Coleridge's poetry and the white man's brutal conquest of the American Indian. Maiden write about literature, history and science fiction, but never, ever, about the shopworn topics that saturate contemporary rock music.

Whatever the subject matter, heavy metal unequivocally adds up to a high-voltage rock 'n roll experience. This means that getting the most out of metal can result in a sapping of one's energy, a physical and emotional drain from which it may take days to recover.

After concerts I have frequently been on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion, drenched in sweat, my shirt torn apart. My arms rendered quivering jelly from the abusive fist-pounding they have powered, my back and legs aching from the hours of standing and jumping without reprieve, I long for the relief that skipping classes the next day will bring me. I exit the arena proud of the permanent hearing damage I've sustained, relishing the ringing in my ears for days to come.

NIETZSCHE wrote that "the secret or reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!" Heavy metal certainly epitomizes his ideal. I consider metal to be the rock 'n roll of the '80s, and hopefully it will be a dominant musical force well into the '90s.

While other rock performers have embraced clean living and adopted serious social causes as their own, metal has remained faithful to rock 'n roll's roots of sex, drugs and other Bachanallian delights.

Thank God there are still young men around who use hard drugs without apologizing for it. Thank God many engage in sexual escapades that even Penthouse Forum would deem excessive.

Most of all, thank God that Slash and Izzy of Guns N' Roses accepted their American Music Awards plastered--though sober enough to utter vulgarities never before heard on live network TV. We need more people like that in America.

I say "Thank God" because it's intellectually satisfying to know that there still exist adherents to that simplest, most hallowed of all philosophies: hedonism.

I can abide this bourgeois, conformist world knowing that not all rock musicians are Iscariotic ass-kissers who would sell their souls for a Top Ten single.

I can sleep well at night confident that some impetuous young men still spit in the face of convention, that there still breathe those who exemplify the Morrisonian ideal of "live fast, die young."

BEFORE the hordes of wholesome, right-thinking people among The Crimson's readership dismiss my perverted idealism, let them entertain for a moment the suggestion that probably some of their favorite bands--some of the greatest bands of all time--are often regarded as heavy metal. I need mention only Jimi Hendrix, Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin to make the point. These acts are among the creme de la creme of rock 'n roll, bands and artists that serve as yardsticks for all of rock music today, not just heavy metal.

Granted, most heavy metal is heinous. Even I admit that. But every genre contains its large share of unconscionable work. One must really listen to a lot of music, selectively, in order to locate the treasures among the trash, the pieces that move the human soul time and again. Verdi is esteemed the master of opera, but many forget that the majority of his work never gets performed--because even opera fanatics know it to be atrocious. We don't judge Guiseppe on the basis of his many horrendous compositions, but on his masterpieces like La Boheme.

With this in mind, don't pass judgement on heavy metal on the basis of bands like Poison, Twisted Sister, and Anthrax. Be fair, and recognize the truly great musical achievements of Deep Purple, Black Sabbath and AC/DC; the contemporary virtuosity of Iron Maiden and Metallica; as well as the refreshingly innovative and dangerous Guns N' Roses.

I would be the last to assert that heavy metal is for everyone, however. Prudes, wimps and the squeamish should stay away, as well as those who place great emphasis on melody.

But if you're the type who thinks it would be "neat" to try crack, or who savors the wickedly orgasmic thrill of having nightmares, or who craves the speed fix that only skiing without turning can provide--in short, if you feel that there is nothing wrong with occasional immaturity, recklessness, outrageousness and lack of control--you should give metal a chance.

Those of you on the brink of conversion may still harbor some reservations because of allegations about widespread Satanism in the heavy metal world. The controversy seems to surface again and again, deterring even the most open-minded from trying metal.

Worshipping the devil is certainly one of the most repulsive activities to most Americans. So it is no surprise that several metal bands have taken to employing Satanic motifs in their music and acts. But an examination of lyrical content will turn up few if any words seriously advocating devil worship.

Of course, there is no doubt that certain bands have on occasion dabbled in the black arts, but then again, who among us hasn't?