I'M not physically OK, mentally OK, emotionally OK, and to top it all off, now I'm not even QRR Computer OK.

My life is hell.

I came to this college because there is no math requirement. I actually laughed when I got about the lowest score on the math placement test in the class of '93. The registrar suggested cross-registration at Cambridge Rindge and Latin for remedial algebra, but I told her that I would never need to know more math than my checkbook required--and that meant never dealing with more than three digits.

I didn't count on the QRR.

ITHINK it's about time somebody quantified some reasons why this requirement is ridiculous. The number one reason has to be that it is March and people like me are still trying to pass one, or both, of the tests.

Thirdly, although some students passed the test the first time without even studying (winning a free membership in the Society of Nerds and Geeks), I have to spend hours roaming around the Science Center looking for somebody to tutor me in BASIC so that I can be certified "Computer OK" in order to take the next test. Is this fair?

The administration and my parents argue that if I were conscientious and the least bit intelligent, I would have already passed the QRR. But they don't understand the mental impossibilities of standard deviation. I get immobilized by data fear every time I see a square root sign. It just isn't part of my culture as a member of the mathematically illiterate minority at Harvard.

When I was studying for the test in August (and in November, and in January), I didn't even understand half of the words in the little red book. Who has ever heard of a histogram? What's so great about a null hypothesis or extrapolation?

The only thing I learned about extrapolation in my six-month ordeal was that my 14 on the first test and my 17 on the second test did not mean that I was going to get a 20 on the third test. The slope was just too risky to predict future scores.

Great.

As if the intricate math weren't tricky enough, the logic behind the QRR is only more puzzling. The most useful applications of the test are to figure out grade point averages and to determine who blew the curve on a mid-term. I don't think increasing competition in this already too-intense place is responsible. People are a lot nicer when they don't care about grades because they can't figure them out.

The QRR Computer test is even worse. Learning a dying computer language on Harvard's arcane computers is just silly. Rather than figuring out how many seconds are in three thousand years (an example from the QRR book), we should have to figure out how many seconds the computer testing process takes. Unfortunately, infinity is a little hard to calculate.

Several weeks ago, I waited in line for hours with hundreds of other first-year and transfer students just to practice on a computer. Then, I spent an hour trying to get onto the system only to find out, with the aid of the computer center's one assistant, that I didn't even know my password. That meant more waiting outside the QRR office, and then more waiting to get back on the computer. The only things I learned were that there are 466 tiles on the basement floor and that I was lucky the Science Center is open all night.

IWISH there were some way that I could get through the testing process without having a nervous breakdown. Perhaps I could do the research for the sample problems. I could go out and call 1000 people to see if they approve of the President or I can take 500 spelling tests. As long as somebody else analyzes the data I don't mind doing the leg-work. Its the finger-work that I can't handle--most of the problems require more than ten, and that's when I start to get confused.

If Harvard doesn't create a data test for the mathematically uninclined, I may be forced to take drastic measures to keep myself from being expunged. I have been thinking about bombing the office in the Science Center, but I don't know enough about chemistry to make bombs. It would be neat to sabotage the computers--attack with some kind of virus--but my whole problem started because I don't know how to work the machines.

I do have one final option for revenge--I can drag out the QRR process until the last possible moment. I can continue to harrass the data officials with my pathetic math knowledge and make them want to pass me even if I can't add simple numbers. I can fail on principle.

Or, I could get somebody to take the test for me.