IF you find yourself sitting in Memorial Hall this week, waiting for inspiration on a Byzantine history exam, recite this eight-word incantation:

The beauty of exams is that they end.

Of course, such advice won't accomplish anything in particular. It's not efficacious just true. But once exams do end. after you've dotted the last i and left your pride on question 3, wait for that remarkable neurological phenomenon that occurs in every undergraduate.

Call it the Great Purge.

Don't think you're immune; no one is. It's rather capricious, this academic anemia. The more you study, the more you forget afterwards.

So before I fall victim to the trauma of exams and the subsequent housecleaning upstairs, I've decided to sort out a few random thoughts. In a week or two, they might be gone, swept out with the major battles at Constantinople.

Squelch the Liberals' Boutique

President Bush scheduled the Panama invasion for December 20, the day after the Crimson editorial staff had packed up and vacated to the farthest corners of the liberal world for the holidays.

Coincidence? I don't think so. The last thing Mr. Bush needed, of course, was a fiery diatribe from the crowd at 14 Plympton St. to take all the gratification out of it.

The Wisdom of Ronald

Listening to the radio can indeed be an edifying experience. During an interview with a CBS syndicate, former president Ronald W. Reagan recalled the assassination attempt on his life by John Hinckley, Jr., and proclaimed Hinckley "not on a normal basis."

This is the same gentleman who brought us, ten years ago, the meaningful "are you better off now than you were four years ago?" and the bottom line "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Is it an illusion, or is the Reagan rhetoric losing its profundity?

Don't Hold Your Breath

I've been waiting a long time--going on three years now--for a one semester introductory economics course. After surveying the course supplement for next term, I see I'll have to keep on waiting.

The Ec Department must believe that everyone who has a semester's worth of interest in economics must have two semester's worth. That leaves those of us off the Merrill Lynch track without an alternative. Take two semesters or take a hike.

If only it followed the lead of our Physics Department, which has four introductory courses ranging from one to three semesters, plus a fifth, accelerated sequence.

Marx My Words

Just how fast are things happening in Eastern Europe? Here's an example:

Two years ago, I took a one semester class on international communism. At the conclusion of the course, the section leader thanked us all for enrolling and predicted that within a few years, the course would have to be expanded to a full year to accommodate decades more of communist history. That was 1987.

Recently, Czechoslovak universities jettisoned their requirements in Marxist theory. Meanwhile, communist regimes and parties in Europe wobbled, fell and even renamed themselves. That was 1989.

The Proper Sin-Tax

Harvard's own Albert Gore, Jr. '69 has done a commendable (but politically naive) deed by wrapping himself not in a flag, but in a non-biodegradable plastic bag. As Mr. Environment, Gore may never get himself elected above the Senate, but at least he's gutsy enough to choose a worthwhile cause.

Now as long as our altruistic Mr. Gore has selflessly adopted the role of our collective conscience on the environment issue, perhaps he'd like to take up a related cause: smoking.

The issue is not as politically suicidal (pun intended) as it once was, and not as extreme either. A complete ban on all indoor public smoking is certainly not a fringe issue, although admittedly it still could cost more votes than it would gain. But an anti-smoking cause would sure fit nicely with his overall crusade.

It's quite a shame that plastic bags and charred lungs aren't as attention grabbing as stars and stripes. They certainly do seem a lot-more important.