WHENEVER a myth is destroyed, something wonderful happens--a little bit of truth is revealed.

In the past week, one of Harvard's great myths has finally been dismissed. Because of recent events at Mather House, the quaint vision of Harvard as an ideal, tolerant, accepting community has been erased.

In its place is anger, frustration, confusion and tension--a range of emotions that many have lamented as unfortunate and unnecessary. On the contrary, such a response is a healthy and natural step toward progress that may yet lead to a peaceful, accepting community.

Last Friday, in a demonstration partially inspired by an alleged assault upon a gay Mather resident, Defeat Homophobia, a campus gay, lesbian and bisexual rights organization, staged a "kiss-in" in the Mather dining hall to "protest violence with love."

Since the demonstration, controversy has erupted--both in news stories and in casual conversation--over whether the kiss-in was an appropriate tactic. Even many proponents of gay rights have criticized the event, claiming that it was a divisive effort that has polarized people by asking them to accept gays and lesbians just a little bit too much.

Let them do what they want in the privacy of their own bedrooms, they say, but, my God, don't make me watch it--especially over dinner.

As one Mather resident told The Crimson this week, "A lot of people were just shocked by it. The students were shoving it in the face of people who are not ready to deal with it. That's what bothered me about it."

Presumably, the purpose of the kiss-in was to elicit a response that would demonstrate the depth or shallowness of support for gay rights at Harvard. The Defeat Homophobia effort has been widely successful in challenging the assumptions of those who considered themselves to be tolerant of homosexuality, but were unwilling to pay the cause anything more than lip service.

It is not enough for someone to merely say that they believe in gay rights. It is necessary that they understand what gay rights really are--and support them.

Although it may be a much larger step than many are willing to take, supporting gay rights means accepting the gay "lifestyle" as equally legitimate as, if slightly different than, the heterosexual "lifestyle." It is the difference between tolerating our existence versus tolerating our equality.

Equality means not only social acceptance of gay relationships, but also legal recognition, giving gay couples the same benefits as heterosexual couples regarding taxes and insurance.

Equality means understanding that the use of the words "faggot," "dyke" or "queer" as derogatory terms in casual coversation is just as offensive as the use of "nigger" or "kike."

Equality also means understanding that public physical affection between two persons of the same gender is just as acceptable as it is between persons of the opposite sex. Until I can walk through the Yard hand-in-hand with another man without fear of physical violence or verbal abuse, the promise of tolerance at Harvard is unkept.

ALTHOUGH it would have been commendable if no one had been offended by the kiss-in, such a reaction was unlikely. Because complete tolerance does not exist at Harvard, the kiss-in should have bothered people, and I'm glad it did.

In his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. responded to fellow Blacks who opposed his tactics of nonviolent resistance for reasons similar to those voiced by students offended by the kiss-in.

Defending his tactics, King writes "It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent-register may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word 'tension.'

"Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half-truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood," King said.

King was right. The kiss-in has already changed the nature of the debate over lesbian and gay rights. By debunking the myth of tolerance, Defeat Homophobia has created a new dialogue which attempts to define more accurately what tolerance means.

So far the results, although largely positive, have been mixed. Last Saturday, Mather House Master Jeffrey G. Williamson called a meeting to discuss the issue of tolerance and sexual orientation; it was heated, but it was an important first step. On Tuesday, four Mather residents distributed more than 100 pink triangle signs to fellow residents to demonstrate solidarity with the gay, lesbian and bisexual community. They did so following the appearance of a message on a dining hall blackboard reading, "Harvard faggots die."

As Joe Jackson sings in a song about gays and gender roles, "Now it's all changed/It's gotta change more/ `Cause we think it's getting better/ But nobody's really sure."