It hasn't been much of a season for Yale lacrosse, goes the common wisdom.

And the common wisdom is right.

After two seasons of straight losses the Department of Athletics implemented a formal media ban on coverage of varsity games.

So we don't even know how bad the picture is.

The big picture.

What is the big picture?

It's hard to say, when varsity players operate under pseudonyms. When the coach wears dark glasses and a ski mask. When the athletic department switches to an unlisted number.

Perhaps the picture is bleak?

Perhaps the alumni are unhappy?

Who gives a damn if the silly fucks are unhappy?

But amidst a seething abyss of turmoil, despair, defeat, defeat, and defeat, not all is black on the Yale lacrosse scene--or so this reporter has discovered, after boldly defying the administration ban by contacting his old school pal and lax team captain Buddy Bixford.

You are my friend, Buddy.

Can I tell you, you are my friend?

The scene: a dark alley not unlike the one that runs alongside the building where this reporter's old friend Buddy Bixford lives. A reporter--this reporter--crouches intrepidly, nakedly, in the darkness. Waiting.

Waiting.