So you say you were on a bus riding back from a swim meet at Dartmouth and all the upperclassmen attacked you and tore your clothes off?

Well, that's Tradition.

What could give a better justification for any action? That one word provides an unanswerable and comprehensive explanation--for anything.

Because, as everyone knows, you don't mess with tradition.

The Crimson men's swimming team is replete with its own stylized Harvard traditions. Each has a personal touch, such as the annual derobing of a freshmen on the trip from Hanover to Cambridge.

Suits on heads? Before the Princeton meet, traditionally the hardest of the year, the men generally get themselves pumped for the next day's races by swimming the workout--including the climb out of the pool during warm-up--with their Speedos around their necks.

Sometimes, the excitement reaches a climax when the divers, long accustomed to risking vital limbs, climb to the top of the diving tower, jump off, plummet almost three stories, and penetrate the water below at a screaming 30 miles per hour. Completely naked.

But that's not all.

The pre-Yale festivities include a freshmen skit which is seldom watched for more than two minutes at which point a shower of garbage--oranges, milk, eggs, bread, anything you can imagine--and a full-scale battle is waged.

Tradition.

At Easterns, Harvard has a tradition of winning. For seven straight years, the Crimson men have dominated the meet; they are well on their way to their self-proclaimed goal of a decade of victories. The next three days will show if they can move one step closer.

Since the fall of 1983, however, Harvard's winning ways have been marred. The Crimson suffered surprise defeats in the first two meets of that year and so ended a three-year winning streak, settling for a spot in the three-way tie for the Ivy title.

Last year, Princeton demolished Harvard's hopes for the Ancient Eight crown. Seeking revenge, Harvard fought the Tigers hard to the end this year, only to lose the deciding final relay by 0.04 seconds. Adding insult to injury, the traditionally hapless Cornell team stunned the aquamen, in another last-relay victory.

No more winning streaks, no more Ivy title. The Harvard swimmers have one last chance for redemption: winning Easterns. They will be shaving down, swimming fast....

You don't mess with tradition.