IN THE DAYS that have passed since the elections, political analysts have been scrambling to discover profound things to say about this year's results. Unfortunately, there are few or none to be found, as American voters continue to defy the rules of logic and consistency.

If the recent elections proved anything, it was that the issues mean little, and the analysts know less. Instead of delving into the mass of campaign statistics to find precious needles of wisdom, it might be more interesting to review some individual stories and incidents of Election '86.

The House

The "Only in America" award goes to newly elected Representative Fred "Gopher" Grandy '70 (R-lowa), who proved once again that you can be a middle-rate actor and still make it in politics. Republican Marc Holtzman, a personal favorite of President Ronald Reagan, challenged his opponent to fill a urine bottle and prove that he too was "drug free." The offer was refused, but Holtzman lost by a 3-1 margin anyway.

Perhaps the most startling aspect of the House elections was the incredible 99.5 percent reelection rate achieved by the Democrats (only one incumbent was defeated), lending further credence to the proposition that the best way to become a public official is to be one already.

The Senate

The Senate contests were filled with many tight races and lots of nasty language flying back and forth between candidates. In Wisconsin, Republican Frank Kasten and opponent Ed Garvey slung heaps of sludge at each other, resulting in negative voter ratings of over 50 percent for both. Kasten, who had two drunk driving convictions during in his first six years in Washington, narrowly edged Garvey, who was accused falsely by Kasten of embezzling $750,000 from the National Football Players Association. Apparently voters prefer a drunk to a thief.

The biggest story was Reagan's gigantic "prevent defense," orchestrated largely to protect first-term Senators who were dragged in by his coattails in 1980. Unfortunately for Reagan, the five candidates he campaigned hardest for--those in California, Nevada, Colorado, Washington, and South Dakota--all lost.

One incumbent, Slade Gorton of Washington, probably wished Reagan had stayed home. When the President visited Washington in October, Gorton was already suffering from bad publicity resulting from his agreement to trade his vote for a favor from the Justice Department in the Dan Manion appointment hearings.

Gorton had recently been promising voters that "his friend in the White House" was going to eliminate Washington from a list of states that might be saddled with a nuclear dump site. Reagan, however, indicated during his speech in support of Gorton that the state would not get special consideration. Gorton immediately lost his slim lead and never recovered.

The Governors

The Republicans made important gains in state houses, capitalizing on 27 vulnerable Democratic governorships and large amounts of infighting in several states with retiring Democratic officeholders.

One of the most watched races was in Texas, where Democratic Governor Mark White attempted to turn back the challenge of former Governor Bill Clements, whom he had defeated in 1982. This race was to see who would make the last mistake, as both stumbled along the campaign trail.

White made his mistakes with his hand, signing an extremely unpopular tax hike and the "no pass, no play" bill that applies to high school athletes. Clements' mouth did its share of fumbling. Near the end of the campaign, Clements stated that the state's economic woes were not his problem and would become so only after he took office. In the end, Clements was able to withstand White's comeback.

SO MUCH for footnotes and anecdotes. In all fairness to those who tried so desperately to find meaningful data in this election, it should be noted that several trends of inconsistency did emerge. The South gained three Republican governors and four Democratic Senators. In fact, 11 states elected a governor from one party and a Senator from the other. Finally, voters showed how much they love Reagan by rewarding him with nearly a 70 percent approval rating, but also with a significant defeat in the Senate. You figure it out.