"Erving travels, throws up some junk. It's in."

"Bird drives baseline left, stops, pivots, floats a bank shot that settles in for two. We lead by four. Larry Bird is a-mazing."

Listening to Johnny Most, the radio voice of the Celtics on WRKO (680 am), is like that. All the opponents cheat and hot dog, all the Celts glide. Former Washington center Rich Mahorn is McFilthy, his teammate Jeff Ruland is McNasty. Rambunctious Boston forward M.L. Carr is competitive and inspirational, not vicious and untalented.

Most's crudity and distortion are representative of the excesses of a community obsessed with its sports and its local heroes. Don't doubt for a minute that Doug Flutie, Marvelous Marvin Hagler and Larry Bird aren't the three most important people in town.

Beneath the hype is one of the most exciting sports communities there is. Take advantage.

THE TEAMS

The Boston Celtics. Without question the greatest sports franchise ever (take a seat, Yankees' fans)--and the crazies frequenting the pigsty/madhouse otherwise known as the Boston Garden will be happy to convince you of this. One look at their deadly serious "FUCK L.A." t-shirts and you may not want to put up much of an argument, anyway.

Rooting for the Celts and seeing them in person are quite separate matters, however--Boston Garden has been sold out for the past 200-odd games, and there's no reason to think that this year will see a change.

Tickets--which go on sale the last week of September--range in price from eight to 15 dollars, but Larry Bird and Company make them worth every penny.

Channel 56 plans to cover all away games, while CBS will doubtless cover several choice Sunday contests.

Best way to get to the Garden: take the subway to North Station, and you're there.

The Boston Red Sox. Once you've been to Fenway Park, you'll know it's the only place in America to watch a ballgame. Every one of the 33,000 seats is close to the action. The Green Monster is incomparable. The Red Sox? Well, they win almost half the time.

Rooting for the Sox is a state of mind, a masochistic commitment to late-summer agony. Even so, John Cheever once surmised that all literate people are Red Sox fans. If you're not big on pain, you can still enjoy the sport for its own particular beauty, and catch one of the best hitters of our time--Wade Boggs, owner of a .346 lifetime average--in his prime.

The three dollar bleacher seats are cheaper than tickets to the zoo; dishing out the four extra bucks for more civilized lodgings in the grandstand or box seats will save your clothes numerous beer baths.

To get good lower boxes or tickets to any Yankees' series, order in March or early April--most other seats can be purchased at the park the day of the game.