THE METROPOLITAN DISTRICT Commission (MDC) is all washed up.

I should know. For the past 60 years the state agency has controlled the very ebb and flow of my livelihood--so to speak. When my grass gets overgrown, they trim it. When my streams get more polluted, they check my water quality for would-be swimmers. And when I need repairs, they...well, uh...try.

Not that I want to make a splash or anything. It's just that in the past few years I've taken a real beating from various Head of the Charles parties, river festivals, sunbathers, joggers and vandals. The problem is that the MDC just can't seem to coordinate sound public policy with limited state funding to keep me in tip-top shape.

It ain't being a body of water, you know.

Now any unsuspecting newcomer to Cambridge may think, "Wow, Charles sure must've suffered from Hurricane Gloria. Look at the widespread devastation, the uprooted trees, the messy underbrush, the..."

My apologies, humble citizen, but that's how I always look. Although disconcerting to you visitors, I've lived with this embarrassing physical situation for a long, long time.

For instance, I've had these banking problems unresolved by my MDC mentors. No, not difficulties with BayBank or Cambridge Savings. I'm talking about the shoreline, officially known as Riverbend Park.

Some years ago, a bunch of wealthy Brattle St. ladies banded together and coerced the MDC into closing Memorial Dr. to all cars on Sundays. The park opened as a public space for local residents in 1975--and none too soon. Cambridge, you know, is so densely populated that it lacks two thirds of the open recreation space requisite for healthy city-living, national statistics show.

Last spring those same Brattle St. benefactors prevented a nearby garden store from closing this precious little space of parkland. They realized what I've known for a long time: Riverbend Park is as valuable as liquid capital.

TELL THAT TO the MDC. And while you're at it don't leave out any of the particulars. Mention the desert-like riverbanks. A picnic there is like an afternoon at the beach. Revere, that is. Maybe the MDC could take a hint from those fabulous gardeners at the Boston Common; the only grass one ever finds down at Riverbend is the illegal kind.

As for trees, the MDC at one time tried to uproot all the sycamores lining my lovely banks to construct an underpass for Memorial Dr. Which would you prefer to see? In deference to the MDC, they have started planting Japanese cherry trees closer to the Basin, but why can't they haul some of those undeveloped fruit stands up this way?

Then again, it might have something to do with the shoreline's erosion. Although I run by the banks daily, many fellow joggers lose their footing, opting to swim rather than run for exercise. Not that swimming is much better; in 1967, the cascade of water problems were considered too immense to handle. Today, they just term my waters "Class C," which translates into, 'You don't want to swim here unless you plan on a detoxification shower later.'

Of course, late at night, running isn't always preferable to swimming. Especially if you meet some of the river rats roaming my shores around the Weeks Footbridge. This bridge over troubled waters has witnessed two stabbings, two robberies and four other criminal incidences since 1983.

Speaking of the bridge, have you checked it out lately? If you manage to step over broken bottles, piles of trash, and climb past the graffiti-splattered bridgeworks, you might get an overview of what I'm trying to say: This isn't the way one of Cambridge's greatest treasures--which is on the National Register of Historic Places--ought to be maintained.

For some time now, Harvard has been trying to negotiate the maintenance of these banks with the MDC. According to officials, the University would landscape the land along Memorial Dr. and Soldiers Field Park Dr. as long as the state invested time and money in the area's upkeep. So far, no private/public partnership has evolved. I think it's high time for a plan of action: The newly-created Public Spaces Partnerships at the Kennedy School would fit the bill nicely.

Let's stem the tide of this current wave of apathy and jump right into maintaining our parkland.