SING HEAVENLY MUSE, sing strong and clear, Of Yules joyous and fair--Yules without peer; Celebrate families near and families far, Or loved ones held tight' neath a bright Christmas star; Why weep you muse? What tales do you tell? Do give us your news 'fore the midnight bell. His brow furrowed deep, his countenance dour, The Christmas muse gave us a look more than sour. "I'll tell you my story of Christmas '81, And spare you the merriment, feasting and pun. Our journey begins in D.C.--Washington, (Where Santa brings coal more often than fun) The New Right announced all the bureaus were messed-up, And told the poor children: "For veggies, eat ketchup;" "But how," we asked, "did that hurt our Yuletide" "Where were the forces that strove on for our side?"

THE MUSE just stared darkly into his glass of beer, And said, "No, no, there'd be no Christmas this year." "You see," the muse murmured, "Santa goes through the air, With the guidance of more than reindeer and prayer. He crosses the world above the ozone, But never does Santa travel alone. When each December he sets out to service The old, the young, the cocky, the nervous, The yachtsmen, the hoopsters, and even the bowlers, Claus depends on the wisdom of air traffic controllers! Since America's leader started union-busting, There's no one left for Nick to be trusting."

BUT WHAT is that jangling noise that we hear? Not the chimes' round the necks of the trusty reindeer? It's the siren song of the Associated Press, Four bells to tell us we're out of this mess. It seems that King Ronald on horseback proclaimed, "For the stopping of Christmas, I'll never be blamed. From those bad man in PATCO I'll lift my injunction, By gee and by golly--this Xmas will function." So he told David Stockman (on his Trojan steed), "Quick, print up the extra cash that we'll need." Happy that Yuletide by fortune was kissed, We began the long task of preparing our list.

FOR OUR FAVORITE BOK, Derek Curtis that is, We'll hire Bart Giamatti's charisma whiz. Henry Rosovsky, that creator of Cores, will find in his stocking nothing that bores. There in the toe, slightly out of control, What could it be? Why it's Theda Skocpol! We can't bear to fulfill the wish of Dean Epps, That nary a protest will grace Widener's steps; And as for Dean Fox, we have this prescription, Someone should write him a real job description; Imprudent maybe, but nonetheless fair, Regarding Dan Steiner we must clear the air, And let the rest of this campus know That it's he and not Derek who runs the whole show. For fundraisers Tom Reardon, Fred Glimp and Pete Clifton, Men who excel in heavy (cash) liftin', We forecast no sweatshirts, no ties and no robes, Just a few more good buddies like Johnny L. Loeb. Yes, Harvard will locate enough fatted calfs; Cambridge, though, labors' neath Prop Two and a Half. Our good mayor Duehay has worked hard and fair, But now Al Vellucci has his eye on that chair. David and Walter, the city's Sullivan twins, (both riding high after big November wins) Will agree on little in 1982 Except that fair Harvard should pay its fair due. For the single new councilor, one Daniel F. Clinton, Good luck in dealing with a petition named Quentin.

MONROE ENGEL will find a kettle of "Fish;" To Lech Walesd a serious wish: For a Poland free, happy and fearless, And a Wojciech Jaruzelski who's quite soon Premier-less. John Dowling will sing untroubled ditties, Once Mendonca and Herrrmannn clear his life of committees. Joe Restic will travel o'er hill and o'er dale, To finally score some points against Yale. Tis too bad that Hubel won't quite rhyme with Nobel; Still for him, Nico and Wiesel a Swedish Noel.

A WINTER OF HAPPINESS, a summer of joys, That's what we want for Mick, Keef and the boys Not to mention Sorrento (that's Pat) Tom Dingman, Howie Hiatt and Ferrante (that's Cat). As well as Chris Darman, Henry Moore and Shere Hite, Walter Gilbert, Taffy Zimbler and Boston's Boss White. But try as we might we can only wish pain To Ed Meese, John Belloste and Arif Hussain. We know the first choice of the Cliffe's prexy Horner: A place in the sun, far from her dark corner. Tip's son and Dukakis will meet tough campaigning, With luck, though, Ed King'll soon be complaining.

FOR MANSFIELD, HARVEY and Wilson, James Q., A restful and right-wing vacation for two. And end to slim pickins' for Frankie McLaughlin, Says here, he'll soon have the whole Ivies talkin'. It's Pat Ewing's opponents that'll need Christmas gifts, Enough for Bob Klitgaard, if he can heal all rifts. A solar-powered Yuletide for our bookworm Paul Tsongas Ted Kennedy gets a win margin humongous. For S. Allen Counter a foundation most firm, But for Israel's Begin an end to his term; An heir or an heiress will greet Charles and Di; We know Larry Bird will continue to fly. Graduate wishes to Vorenberg, Jim and Graham, Pat; Fifteen no-hitters for Fernando the Fat. A Trotskyite Christmas for Melanie Yun, For the Salient staff, some pix would be fun.

IT'S IBIS, NOT KERMIT, for Lisa A. Henson, To the 'Poon she'll add humor and, we hope, thensum. Robin Schmidt and Lou Armistead will find great so-lace, When construction begins on University Place. Deane Lord and Al Alcorn strong stories will find, Freeing their Gazette from its once-a-week bind. And as for Sally Z., the tenant's best friend, We can't grant her wish and let rent control end. The good Reverend Gomes (the Configuide's star), May daub local sinners with feathers and tar. We doubt it, though; he's an awfully nice guy, Far nicer, for instance, than many alumni--Like Caspar Weinberger and Henry the K, One wants more tanks, the other more say.

STAN BARANCZAK and Mark Fusco will drink a toast, While Garry Trudeau leads a Richard Pipes roast. Brian Byrne, Stacy Campbell and fair Aglaia Senese Each at 14 Plympton will renew their lease. Saul Chafin and Steve Verr will elbows bend To down a glass at their lawsuit's end. Tis a season of mistletoe, turkey and slush For Czeslaw Milosz, Fred Jewett and preppy George Bush. Don Fleming, the cager and evolving Steve Gould, But not Joe Duarte, whose regime will be fooled. Adam Ulam, Ron Erhardt, and talkative Ed Reischauer Gaye Williams, the Space Shuttle and the diamond's Brad Bauer, Ed Lashman, Ann Waterflow and Liz Einaudi All will share in a great Christmas bounty. Don't forget Barney Frank, whatever his district, Hit-man Hearns, Sugar Ray and "freeze-framer" Petric, John Kenneth Galbraith, George Will and John Paul Two, Carl Yasztremski, Mark Ptashne and good Brother Blue, Fritz Mondale, Bobby Brustein, Elvis Costello, (the second will direct, the third play Othello), Michael Manley, Jodie Foster and creative Janet Cooke-- Those names will fill up our big Christmas book. To them (thanks to PATCO) we wish a holiday bright, And to them and to you and to all, a good night.