There I was lounging by my pool, sipping a pina colada and wondering how to apply Lincoln's statement, "All men are equal under the sun" so that even the area between my toes would tan properly, when the phone rang. Lazily, I reaced for my conveniently located Princess Anne phone and said in my best suburban voice, "Nell Scovell--girl reporter."

"Nell, this is The Crimson," a voice responded. "We need you to write a big story."

"But I just wrote an editorial last week on how to solve the world's problems by secretly substituting American athletes for the hostages in Iran. Since the captives qualify for citizenship now, the athletes could compete in the Olympics and a small nation like Iran would win as many medals as the U.S.S.R. Humiliated, the Russians would pull out of Afghanistan believing that all Third World nations were just as strong," I stated, pausing only to shift my body so my ear lobes would turn out just right.

"This story is even bigger than that," the voice persisted. "Harvard senior Bobby Hackett swam up a storm last weekend at the Seventeen Swim Meet of Champions in Mission Viejo, Calif."

"How big a storm?" I asked glancing at the cloudless sky.

"He placed in all four of his events, including third-place finishes in the 1500-and 800-meter races behind world-class swimmers Mike Bruner and Djan Madruga. "And," the voice added excitedly, "he beat lifelong rival Brian Goodell in both distance events and Hackett's coach, Joe Bernal said he hadn't seen Bobby looks so strong coming home in the 1500 since the 1976 Olympics when Hackett swam to a silver medal."

Now I was starting to get interested in the story. You see, I had recently competed in a local swim meet where I had captured the 100 decibel "Don't splash water on me" competition and placed in the 200 I.M. (Impervious Manner) event in which the competitor must pretend she is asleep despite her mother yelling at her to do 200 things. But I knew Big League swimming was different and although a meet sponsored by Seventeen Magazine conjured visions of young girls trying to get into a pair of designer jeans while doing the backstroke, I realized there was more to this story.

"Times," I requested and reached for my reporter's notebook and a pen which slipped in my oily hands.

Hackett swam the 1500 in 15:56, the 800 in 8:17, the 400 in 4:01 (9th place) and the 200 in 1:55.67 (12th place)."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked cocking one eyebrow so the sun would catch my eyelid better.

"Oh yes, Hackett hadn't rested at all before the meet and even worked out while there," the voice said.

"Then he should be in great shape for the National AAU Championships next month in Irvine, Calif. Right?"

"You bet," the voice said emphatically. "Hackett said he wanted a first place and a spot on the honorary Olympic Team which will travel to China in August."

"What about the other Harvard swimmers who competed last week?" I wondered aloud.

"Sophomore Larry Countryman placed 12th in the 800 with a time of 8:30.9 and Sophomore David Lundberg powered through the 200 meter breaststroke in 1:08.6 putting him 12th overall too. In addition Bernal said sophomore Ted Chappell swam a 'great 200 fly and looked super.' He also mentioned incoming freshmen Mike Miao, who took fifth in the 100 free, and Greg Eckstrom, a butterflyer and backstroker, who should boost the program next year."

By now I knew this was not another simple "Bobby Hackett stars" story, but that it also held implications for the upcoming college season.

"Will you accept the assignment?" the voice pleaded.

I leaned back in my chaise lounge and let the sun's warmth fill all my pores. I had to answer quickly because I could feel a burn creeping onto my stomach and I needed to flip over. Thinking quickly I responded "Sorry, this story is far too hot for me to handle."