January 9 Gov. Edward J. King, in his first major announcement since taking office, raises the state drinking age to 21, with the exception of Boston College undergraduates. "The people have spoken," King says.

12 President Bok announces the dismissals of football coach Joe Restic and chief labor negotiator Edward W. Powers, and their replacement by former Ohio State coach Wayne Woodrow "Woody the Knife" Hayes, "We firmly believe that Coach Hayes has all the qualities needed to shape up our two problem areas, which for years have been football and labor relations," Bok says. "And he's got a great right hook," the pugilistically-minded prexie adds.

17 Jonathan Moore, director of the Institute of Politics, announces that the Shah of Iran will spend his first annual mid-winter vacation by giving a non-credit seminar at the institute on "Coping With Modernization." The shah arrives in Cambridge with 43 teaching assistants who wear sun glasses and carry 44 revolvers, and immediately takes up residence in Eliot House.

24 Dr. Warren C. Wacker, director of University Health Services (UHS) discloses that unprecedented epidemics of salmonella, gastroenteritis, psoriasis, hemorrhoids, heart disease, Rocky Mountain spotted fever and malaria are gripping the upperclass Houses. "It's a difficult problem," President Bok acknowledges.

February

3 As classes begin for the new semester, a 37-inch blizzard paralyzes New England. Dean Archie C. Epps III, repeating his famous claim that "Harvard University will close only for an act of God, such as the end of the world," announces the University will remain open.

4 Four freshmen disappear in a snowdrift outside Weld Hall, prompting Gov. Edward J. King to send in 1200 storm-troopers to close the University. "The people have spoken," King mumbles. "It's a difficult problem" President Bok admits.

15 The Term Bill Office in Holyoke Center announces that the families of the four unfortunate freshmen trapped in the 18-foot Weld snowdrift will still have to pay tuition for the spring semester. "I mean, they're in residence, aren't they?" an anonymous bill officer says. Deam Epps, after conferring with outgoing Divinity School Dean Krister Stendahl, admits that the storm may well have been divinely inspired.

March

8 Pope John Paul II dies during a skiing accident in the Swiss Alps, when he falls over his white cassock and tumbles 13,000 feet down the side of the Matterhorn. In Rome, Jean Cardinal Villot, cardinal camerlengo, assumes control of the Catholic Church for the third time in six months. "Practice makes perfect," the churchman is reported to comment in Latin.

19 MacDonald's, Inc., announces that it will expand its operations into mainland China at the beginning of April. Ray Kroc, the owner of the chain, reveals that in keeping "with the organization's tradition of offering regional specialties," the Chinese outlets will begin serving Egg McRolls and Big Maos.

28 Saul L. Chafin, chief of University police, announces that the Harvard police force will have new uniforms starting April 1. Chafin says he has arranged to rent the uniforms used by Richard Nixon's guards for a brief period in 1973. "We picked them up for a song," Chafin says, "and I never liked baby blue anyway." The Richard Nixon Library, which has been keeping the neonapoleonic uniforms in mothballs, refuses to disclose the price.

April

6 Former President Richard M. Nixon arrives on campus at the invitation of the Harvard Republican Club, for a speech in Sanders Theater. Saul L. Chafin, commandant of University police, reports that his appropriately-dressed crew made no special preparations for the Nixon visit. Afterward Nixon attends a special picnic lunch in Radcliffe Quad. "We would have had him at the Faculty Club, but we've got a lot of expensive silverware in there." President Horner notes.

23 University police rescue four freshmen from a melting snow-drift outside Weld Hall. "Damnedest thing I ever saw," reports Henry C. Moses, dean of freshmen, who then informs the freshmen that they can have until May to take their make-up midterms.