I'm depressed. For one thing, I saw the weirdest thing I've seen in four years of avid Harvard sports spectating this afternoon at the Heptagonal cross country meet in New York. For another, I saw the second weirdest thing in the closing seconds of last week's football game.

And just for kicks, consider the fact that my career predicting percentage has fallen dangerously close to the .600 level (42-26, .617). So to cheer myself, I decided that I wanted Christmas to come early this year, and I've decided to ask Santa Claus for the following gifts.

Dear Santa:

Just once, I'd like to see Ralph Polillio break a kickoff return all the way.

Just once, I'd like to see Larry Brown have a 500-yd. passing day.

Just once, I'd like to see Fred Cordova show us what he's made of and take an interception all the way for a TD.

Just once, I'd like to see Paul Sablock put on a John Mackey suit and have a 10-catch afternoon.

Just once, I'd like to see Matt Granger run the ball 15 times a game.

Just once, I'd like to see a Harvard football game with no illegal motion penalties.

Just once, I'd like to see Gary Bosnic pop one from the 50.

Just once, I'd like to see Brian Buckley get in a game (i.e., it would be nice if Harvard blew someone out.)

Just once, I'd like to see Harvard beat Brown, 45-26.

Oh, you say that happened three years ago, when I was a freshman? Well, just twice, I'd like to see Harvard beat Brown, 45-26.

P.S. I'd also like a Mercedes Benz with air conditioning and a tape deck.

*****

So much for fantasies. Here are this week's picks:

BROWN AT HARVARD--Brown has the best team in New England. Brown has the best offensive lineman in the Ivies. Any sane bookmaker wouldn't take a bet on Harvard. I'm not sane, and I'm not a bookmaker. Harvard 45, Brown 26, and who says history doesn't repeat itself?

COLUMBIA at DARTMOUTH--This could be the upset pick for this week. One could imagine Columbia rebounding off the 69-0 Rutgers fiasco and surprising the Big Green. One could imagine the Lions, who nearly won this game last year, getting their Veer offense together and beating up on the Dartmouth defense. One could imagine Dartmouth falling apart at home for the first time all year. And one could imagine "Boats" having a C-minus median. Dartmouth 21, Columbia 3.

CORNELL at YALE--Actually, this is the best upset choice for today. The Big Red can move the ball, and the Elis have pulled an "el foldo" since Rutgers beat them, 28-27. Yale has to win big sometime this year, though, and I don't want them to save it for November 18. Yale 35, Cornell 10.

PENN at PRINCETON--Princeton is the most underrated team in the Ivy League, Penn the most overrated. The Tigers should work their way back toward respectability, 17-16.

LAST WEEK: 1-4 (gulp)

SEASON: 17-15

SEASON, HARVARD GAMES ONLY: 1-5 (worse than Bob Bailey)

CAREER: 42-26 (.617 and falling fast)