What goes on at teenage rock concerts is not funny. In fact, sometimes it's a crime. Like when you see little sixteen-year-old girls who could be your sister going there with some hood who could just as well have just robbed your house.

So you can go to those teenage rock concerts, but don't expect to enjoy them.

Santana, with Third World, Saturday, May 8 at 7 p.m. at the Orpheum. Grim music from a group that's seen both hard times. . .and Woodstock.

Roy Clark, in concert with the Boston Pops. Sunday May 2, 7:30 p.m., Symphony Hall. Roy's had his hard knocks, and you can just barely see the bitterness seething within him despite his deceptive "pickin' and grinnin'" exterior at these concerts. The Boston Pops are grim old men who have retired from the Boston Fire Department.

Daryl Hall, John Oates with special guest Elliot Murphy. Tuesday, May 4 at 8 p.m. at the Harvard Square Theater. The last time we saw Hall and Oates, we cried.

Uriah Heep, with special guest stars Styx, Thursday, May 6, at 8 p.m. at the Orpheum. Dickens was always more depressing than anything else; remember, they dipped Achilles in that river but they missed his heel--don't wear heels if you go to this concert.

A reminder to youthful concert-goers: The Boston City Council is currently considering a resolution which would ban youngsters under 17 from the streets of Boston after 10 p.m. This, quite frankly, means that you probably won't ever be able to go to a rock concert again, at least legally. Ha, ha. Have fun seeing Uriah Heep next week--from then on it'll have to be Helen Reddy and Dick Clark on the tube. . .Later.