Old traditions never die

At least at Harvard, don't ask why

So no matter how absurd it

Seems (we all have heard it

Several times at least before)

Settle back at least once more

Genial as old friends meeting

The Crimson's Merry Christmas Greeting:

Narrator:

At Christmas time we give up all rancor

And smile sweet as cherubs at those we've bitten.

We'll pretend to be more Albert Schweitzer than Shanker

Get furry and cute, and make like a kitten.

The Crimson (we know) has been damned for pomposity

If you only knew what swell guys we are!

But nothing convinces like sweet generosity

So here, to our friends, a small Yuletide cigar!

Cigar:

Bang!

Chorus:

First we proclaim our long-concealed ardor

For the man who won't lie to you, Jimmy E. Carter

But, soft, Derek Bok, you're our President too,

You were on Meet The Press--we were so proud of you!

Narrator:

He was on TV

He's good enough for me

But the President's market he didn't corner--What about Mrs. Horner?

Chorus:

Ike and Tina Horner

Sing for the Brothers Warner!

(A child enters with a very old man. He is wearing wrapping paper, she the Yves St. Laurent "new Look")

Old Man:

What do you have my little one for your friends?

Child:

I got bucks for Hank Rosovsky and genes for Al Vellucci

And royalties for Doris Kearns to deck her out in Gucci!

For Dershowitz a D.C. job and for his client Reems he might

Let us arrange a date with beautiful Shere Hite!

For Heimert I've a whale to talk to after hours--Together they can nosh on Sherman Holcombe's cauliflowers!

First we greet those we've learned

Are slouching towards Washington, to be confirmed:

Bow-tied John Dunlop, arch-anti-inflator,

And Master Vorenberg, a Jimmy-come-later.

Profs. Dershowitz, Nye, Haar and Katz--May Senate committees give consent and eclats.

Enough of Harvard's far flung magi

Chaire to loyal stay-at-home Greg Nagy.

A surreal stew for Octavio Paz

And a public policy on Arthur Maass

From scientists and their quibbles, please save us--

And make peace between Lewontin and Davis.

If anyone deserves a full sock he

Might very well be Jim Kubacki

Since silence is not golden merely

We grant a new larynx to Coach Bill Cleary.

In the coming exam crunch

Bless Tommy Stephanian and his eponymous Lunch.

Fond adieux to Paul A. Cantor

Lowell's Miltonic gourmet Santa.

Goodwill to Goodwin, Doris K.,

To Harvey Mansfield, a big fat A.

May the dark shade of Thanatos

Ne'er o'ertake maestro James Yannatos.

As Glee Club jets from Bonn to Karachi

For F. John Adams, nonstop vivace.

Goldman and Sacks that's the ticket

For Nineteen Eighty; ole, Miss Fickett.

Jack Daniels we don't grudge the Devil

A pill in his stocking for Roger Revelle.

Eckstein, Caves and Kenneth Arrow

Tread the macro straight and narrow

Teach Economics less wassail-y

Now that Galbraith's in his chalet.

Hosannas to the Moores, both Jonny and Barry

Maximum Gorky and Commodore Parry.

Trudging to D.C., safe on his merits.

Mike Kinsley's a pilgrim to eretz Peretz.

Not even slush could possibly curb a

Wish to say, "Noel," to Sidney Verba.

For B.F. Skinner, a stick and a carrot

For John Clive a bowl of mulled claret.

Put a new log on the brazier

It's Melting Pot Fondue for Nate Glazer.

Chorus:

Glazer? Glazer? Wasn't he the straight man?

Who was his partner, the one they call the Great Dan?

(Enter Society Matron)

Matron:

Not Dan! Not Dan! Those who love him call him Pat!

We dress like him and talk like him and we wear the Moynihat!

Chorus:

We dress like him and talk like him and we wear the Moynihat!

Matron:

And some day, I've heard it quoth (straight from Archie Epps!)

He'll stand straight and take the Oath right on the Capitol Steps!

(All bow their heads low)

Chorus:

We'll sing songs and eat crepes

Right on the Capitol Steps!

(spoken) What other gifts have ye Baby?

For David Herbert Donald, whose goatee has been shed.

May dreams of grits and greens dance inside his head.

For Rapid Robert Amdur, the Bronx Bombers rise once more,

And what a gift! Chief Gorski's cops and all the B. and G. men

I've arranged it so their kids can meet the Fellows Nieman!

For John Marquand, a great momento

Dinner on the town with Pat Sorrento!

Chorus:

Hey, you schnooks,

What about Lewis Brooks?

Or, you swill,

Typist Greville?

Child:

Lewis gets to take a trip and visit many homes

Cheering and giving counsel with the Reverend Peter Gomes.

For Seymour Slive another Juno

For Romance Lang one more Bruneau

While Kiley lives the life of Reilly

His gestures studied by Laurence Wylie.

A ton of choicest hash from Kabul

Plied on to logical Stanley Cavell.

Alas, no chimes ring out for Stephen Hall--As for the rest, we love 'em all.

Epps and Arthurs, Daly and Fox.

Sissela, Derek and the little Boks.

Boiling cups of Christmas cheer.

To Bloomfield, Bowersock and Beer.

Rattling every liberal's bones

From The House to E-House, Hugh Lloyd-Jones.

Before our eyes mist up and get blearin

Drink, salute to Doc Bill Doering.

Of Levin and Wender we've heard a-plenty

What kind of X-mas do they have in Chem 20?

Trinkaus and Trivers get a trip to Darwin;

And a boat to Rhodesia Laura Garwin.

While we are telling the sheep from the goats

We baaaa with respect to both Master Vogts.

Ruling South House with the wisdom of Creon

Good will and good cheer to Rulan C. Pian.

Greetings on this laundered day

To expurgator Ernie May.

Good will and good cheer to Rulan C. Pian.

Greetings on this laundered day

To expurgator Ernie May.

If any can the Russkies fool 'em

It's Kremlin banshee Adam Ulam.

One more theorem from Fermat

For Andy Gleason and Raoul Bott.

Keeton gets a torte, a Sacher

A dose of bivalent for Warren Wacker.

On Donner, on Blitzen, on Omeljan Pritsak

On Vixen, on Cupid, on Mangol Bayat.

Chorus:

Lest we forget those whom we've neglected

Lest it be thought they're not respected

We tip our hats to Dean Rosovsky

Clifford C. Lamborg-Karlovsky

Oscar Handlin, Daniel Bell,

Both MacCaffreys, Frank Freidel,

All the Wilsons--well

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Nobel.