Gerald "Joe" Restic sat quietly on the Square Office of Dillon Field House as his wife, Betty confronted the throng of reporters outside the door. Restic, the apparent loser of a long and arduous battle for the Ivy League title, was too tired and hoarse to deliver the message himself.

Musing over the previous week's failure at the hands of Jimmy "Peanut" Anderson, the rags-to-riches leader of an unhearalded party from Providence, R.I., Restic clasped his hands behind his head as a few words trickled in to him from the conference just outside.

"We are asking for the impoundment of the scoreboards from the Dartmouth-Brown and Harvard-Yales games," he heard Betty say, "and are asking for a recount of the points scored last week in the key precinct of Cambridge. However, we first want to wish the best of luck to the incoming winners Jimmy Anderson and Walter "Fritz" Cozza in the upcoming year."

As president of the now lame-duck Ivy League champions from Harvard, Gerry Joe Restic reviewed the recent campaign with the critical scrutiny that any defeated incumbent applies to a season gone wrong. Though he had adhered closely to his pre-campaign game plan, a series of unexpected mistakes had seemingly done him in.

The debates with the Peanut had gone fairly well, he thought, though a small slip was costly. The reference to Cornell as being "under Harvard's domination" was a mistake, and the backlash from the misstatement was severe. Upset Ithaca partisans cast ballots against Restic in a 9-3 proportion, and the loss in that precinct was a surprise to all prognosticators.

"I guess I just wasn't thinking that day," Gerry Joe moaned to himself, listening halfheartedly to Betty's claim that there had been infractions committed in the late hours of last week's loss to the Peanut.

"I thought I had him when that interview with Sports Illustrated was released," Gerry Joe continued. "That business about lusting after a silly football trophy was a little much. But I guess everybody just looked at the pictures and forgot to read the article."

The more Gerry Joe thought about it, the more he became convinced that it really wasn't his fault. Even his own staff let him down. How about when his defensive line coach told the press that Brown's quarterback was only interested in comfortable shoes and a warm place to go to the bathroom? How about that?

"I could have just died," Gerry Joe sobbed. And how about the time that his field general offered the observation that supplying footballs to the opposition's offense was an "economic burden for Harvard?" That was a real beaut. "I always knew that creep would mess me up eventually," Gerry Joe cursed out loud.

Betty was now finishing up her media message with the usual statement that "Gerry Joe will do all he can to help the Peanut unify the Ivy League," a comment which instigated more grumblings from the dethroned High Priest of Multiflex.

"I thought they would all see it my way," he cried. "There was no need for change in the Ivies. They were fine the way they were. Everybody was happy with the way things came out last year, the last-second win and all. That got top billing in The New York Times. Let's see the Peanut do that.

"We turned things around for the league, but what do we get? This is some way of saying 'Thank you, Gerry Joe, for all you've done.' They'll live to regret this some day. They won't have Multiflex to kick around forever."

Betty dragged into the Square Office with a tired look on her face, one which said that she was almost glad it was all over. Gerry Joe had never seen the look before, and was quick to say that he hadn't given up the fight quite yet.

"Look, Betty," he pleaded. "Even if they don't give us the recount on the Brown game, we can still hope for a miracle. There are still a few precincts that are too close to call. If we can win in Pennsylvania and then take those people from New Haven, we've got a chance. There's no reason to think that the Peanut will win in New Hampshire this weekend...."

"Pardon me," said Betty, "but I think it's time to stop crying over spilled milk. The Peanut has won this thing fair and square. You were outvoted 16-14 in the critical election, and the rest of the precincts will probably fall into line behind the Peanut. He's just too strong in the Northeast."